


i was running from something, i was running back to you

by literatidiaries



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Childhood Friends, Chilton Jess, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:59:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 37,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24887212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatidiaries/pseuds/literatidiaries
Summary: "You were you and I was I; we were two before our time. I was yours before I knew, and you have always been mine, too."Or the one where Jess Mariano and Rory Gilmore promise to be best friends forever, not knowing that forever never lasts as long as you think it will and promises were only made to be broken.
Relationships: Dean Forester/Rory Gilmore, Jess Mariano/Original Female Character(s), Liz Danes & Jess Mariano, Lorelai Gilmore & Rory Gilmore, Luke Danes & Jess Mariano, Paris Geller & Rory Gilmore, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Comments: 128
Kudos: 88





	1. the way we were (prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say, other than that I have zero self control. I know I have another fic going on right now, and I haven't updated it in a while (I'm so, so sorry), but I can only go where my inspiration and motivation take me - and right now, they're taking me for another journey. This journey.
> 
> Anyway... This work doesn't follow any specific Gilmore Girls storylines. ASP owns Gilmore Girls and the characters she created. Everything else is mine.
> 
> Also, I'm doing something a little different with this work. The chapter titles will not be after song lyrics and there will be quotes to go with each chapter that I think fits them best. With that being said, any and all feedback is more than welcome. I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory meet for the first time as kids. Their friendship spans years until one of them has to move away.

**"Oh, mother. You don't understand.  
She's like the sun, ** **warm and beautiful..."**

_Aged 5_

Rory Gilmore was five years old when she met Jess Mariano for the very first time. They were the only two kids out of their whole class that chose to stay indoors during recess, opting to use that time to read and write instead while their classmates ran maniacally around, exerting their energy. The two had seen each other in passing and they knew the other's name, but they had never truly met until that spring day.

Jess Mariano will never forget the day he met Rory Gilmore. All it took was thirty seconds with the young girl for her to prove that on some level, she and Jess were equals. It was springtime, but it was unusually warm out, making it feel like the dead of summer. Rory was wearing this royal blue, floral dress that matched her eyes. The dress was held to her small form with clips. Maybe she didn't notice, or maybe she just didn't care. At the time, Jess believed it to be the latter. She walked around that partially empty classroom like she was walking on air, as though she knew exactly what she was doing and where she was going at all times.

He can still remember when Rory bent at the knees, skimmed the school's sorry excuse for a bookshelf, and almost immediately plucked a book from the cubby. Like he said - she knew exactly what she wanted. Maybe he should have found it annoying, especially since they were so young, yet he didn't. It wasn't some thin picture book, either. It was an actual book, heavy with words and everything.

Jess watched her walk from the bookcase to her assigned seat, one table over from where he sat. She never once glanced in his direction as she propped the book on the edge of her desk. Rory had leaned her elbow on the surface while her brown hair acted as a curtain, shielding her from Jess' curious stare.

He stared at her for a second longer before he returned to his writing assignment, or punishment, as he liked to look at it. His mom was late in dropping him off at school this morning - again, so their teacher, Mrs. Branson, made Jess write _I will not be late to class_ on a piece of loose leaf for the duration of recess.

Jess reached the bottom of the sheet and paused. He had written on both sides and his hand was starting to cramp. Recess wasn't over, but Mrs. Branson did say he was to perform his punishment on _one_ piece of paper. Jess grinned to himself at the found loophole and put his pencil down. He looked over his shoulder at the clock above the doorway and saw that they had another ten minutes of quiet time.

The aide that was supposed to be looking after them was sound asleep with his head tucked in his arms. Jess slid out from behind the table and walked over to the bookshelf. The selection was sparse. Seeing as they were _only_ in kindergarten, the school provided the classroom with picture books for the most part, and the real books could turn up damaged, sometimes.

When he couldn't find anything of interest, Jess sighed and leaned back against the cream-colored wall. He slid down to the chilled floor and closed his eyes, taking a page out of their supervisor's book. Before he could fully fall asleep, there was a gentle nudge against his right leg. Jess opened one eye, capturing a glimpse of who disturbed him. Rory stood above him and held out the book she picked from the pile. The cover of _Bridge to Terabithia_ stared back at him.

"Here," Rory said softly. "I didn't realize it was your book when I took it."

"It's not mine."

Rory simply opened the book to the front cover page and shoved it back in Jess' face for evidence. _Property of: Jess Mariano_ was written in the bottom left corner. Jess turned pink as he realized he had been caught. The book wasn't his, not really, but he read the school's copy so much that it felt like his.

"Plus, I thought I recognized your handwriting." Jess quickly glanced down at where he had wrote his name, racking his brain, trying to remember what else he had wrote. "In the margins."

"Oh. Yeah, I... I just like to write down my thoughts in case I forget them later."

"I think it's cool."

"You do?"

Rory nodded and sat down across from him, their knees bumping. "I mostly read what you had to say, more than I read the actual book. I think you're smart."

"You do?" Jess repeated, throat suddenly dry.

"What, you don't think so?"

"I don't know what I am."

Rory must have registered how he pulled back, yet she wanted to know more. She didn't want to just read Jess' thoughts. She wanted to hear them, straight from the source. Rory crawled on the floor, bare knees to the tile, until she was shoulder to shoulder with Jess.

"Read to me," Rory requested in an even tone and then remembering what her mother taught her about manners, she added, "If you want to. I just want to hear you. Is that okay?"

"I'm not that great with the verbal stuff. That's why I write everything."

"I don't mind."

Jess looked at Rory again, to which she simply responded with three swift taps on the top of the novel, indicating her desire to hear more from Jess. He might have called her a little strange under his breath as he opened the book, but he read aloud to her, anyway. When he made mistakes or stumbled over his words, Rory never made a sound. She merely listened, and for the first time in his short life, Jess felt heard.

And that's how they spent every recess after that afternoon. They would take turns reading and when they finished reading all of the novels on the shelves, Rory would sneak in one of her books from home. She knew the risks - her beloved books could be harmed, her mom could catch her - but she didn't want to lose what she had with Jess. They had gone almost the whole school year without having a real conversation, and now they had become quick friends without even realizing it.

It was that easy, being around each other. Like puzzle pieces finally falling into place.

* * *

_Aged 7_

Jess flinched, turning his head away from the spray of water. Rory laughed her ugly, loud laugh - the one she saved solely for when she was around her mom or Jess - and came closer to him, holding the garden hose in his direction. He flailed in the kiddie pool that his mom set up for them while Rory ran around the inflatable pool. On her fourth lap around, Jess managed to snag the hose from her and aimed it at her. Rory squeaked and held her hands up.

"I surrender!"

"Say you're sorry," Jess teased.

"I'm sorry."

"Now say, Jess, you are so much smarter than me."

Rory rolled her eyes and dropped her arms back to her sides, but still said, "Jess, you are so much smarter than me," with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Jess grinned and dropped the garden hose back into the water, a small thunk following. Rory stuck her tongue out at him as she stepped into the pool, sitting across from Jess. She sank into the water and leaned her head back, closing her eyes while the summer sun shined down on them. Jess watched her as their mothers, Lorelai and Liz, opened the back door and stepped out onto the porch.

"Lunch is ready!" Lorelai yelled.

Jess scrambled to stand in the water. They had their mid-morning snack a short while ago, but Jess was hungry. His mom told him that he was always hungry because he was a growing boy, and growing boys had to eat. Jess reached for his towel laying in the grass and considered booking it inside before he ultimately decided to wait for Rory. He always seemed to wait for Rory. Even Rory's mom had caught on. Lorelai said they were like magnets. When Rory would move, Jess went with her.

Rory reached for his hand and Jess let her take it as they walked toward his house. It was smaller than Rory's house, but she didn't appear to mind. The two happily ate their lunches in silence, cartoons playing in the background on the television. Every so often, Rory would make a funny face or open her mouth to show Jess her food because she knew how much he hated it, and each time, Jess would laugh or smile, because that was all he seemed to do around Rory.

She finished eating first, like she usually did, and got up to take her plate to the sink. A loud crash from outside startled them both, and if Rory hadn't already placed the dish on the counter, she would have fumbled it. Together, Jess and Rory walked in the direction of the back door, and peaked outside. Rory stood in front of Jess while he anchored himself, placing his hands on her shoulders as he looked over the top of her head.

Lorelai was sitting in a chair with a glass of wine nearby and Liz was arguing with a man just a little ways down their driveway. The man's figure was mostly concealed from view, but Jess could still see his side profile.

"Do you know him?"

"Kind of," Jess answered in a small voice. He took a step away from the window, lower lip jutting out. "He's my dad."

"But I thought your dad went away."

"He did. Mom says that when he shows up like this, it's usually for money."

"My mom says that money is what normally tears families apart."

"Yeah, well..." Jess shrugged, arms limp by his sides. "It seems to be the only thing keeping mine together."

"When did he leave?" Rory questioned after a moment of silence. She abandoned her post at the sliding door to stand in front of Jess.

"I'm not sure about the exact date. All I know is that he said he was going to the store, and he never came back."

"I'm sorry, Jess."

"It's okay. I just - I just wish I understood."

"Maybe when we're grown ups. You know, like our moms."

Jess nodded in agreement. Rory smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. He returned the gesture, hugging her tightly around the middle.

"I promise to never leave you," Rory whispered. She released him and held him at arm's length. She dropped her left hand momentarily before she raised it again, pinky up. "We'll always be best friends, you and me. Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise." Jess grinned and lifted his right hand, locking his pinky finger with Rory's.

* * *

_Aged 10_

"Keep up, slow poke!" Jess yelled, pedaling faster. The wind sounded in his ear as his bike flew down the streets of Stars Hollow. He and Rory were supposed to be heading back to her house for dinner, but Rory wanted to go for another lap around town.

Jess curved his bike to the right as he made a turn. He slowed down so that he could look over his shoulder to check on Rory. When he didn't see her behind him, he came to a complete stop and waited. After a few minutes passed without any sign of Rory, Jess turned around and retraced his path.

He saw Rory's bike before he saw her. The purple, sparkly bike was laying on its side with the back wheel still spinning. Rory was on the sidewalk, clutching her knee to her chest, crying out in pain. Jess was off the seat of his bike before he even had time to brake, throwing his bike near Rory's. He rushed to her side, immediately spotting the gash on her right knee.

"Jess," Rory whimpered. She reached for him instinctively and Jess coddled her, gently rocking her in his grasp. "It hurts."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"What do we do?"

For a second, Jess was at a loss for words. He was only ten. He didn't know how to handle a situation like that. Whenever they were sad or hurt, adults always knew exactly what to do and say.

"Your house isn't that far away. Come on."

Jess helped Rory to a standing position and hooked his arm around her waist. She threw an arm over his shoulders, wincing with her first step.

"What about our bikes?"

"I'll come back for them. We have to get you home, Rory."

Rory spared a forlorn glance at their bikes, trusting Jess to not let her fall. She put most of her weight into him and hobbled by his side for the whole trip back to her house. Lorelai was standing in the entryway before they could even make it to the steps. She hurried down the staircase and took Rory from Jess' grasp.

"What happened?"

"She fell off her bike. It's her knee."

"Nothing's broken?" Lorelai asked Rory. "You were wearing your helmet?"

"Yes, I was wearing my helmet. No, I don't think anything is broken."

Rory's tears started to dry and her breathing had evened out on the way. Her mother picked her up and carried her into the house. Rory waved at Jess over Lorelai's shoulder, thanking him with a small smile. Jess returned the gesture as he turned to go back for their bikes, just as he promised.

His eyes burned behind his eyelids, halting his footsteps. Jess dug the heels of his palms in, trying to stop the tears from coming. A pair of arms wrapped around him and unclipped his helmet. Jess dropped his arms and turned back around to see his mom standing in front of him.

"It's just a cut. She'll be fine."

"I didn't wait for her," Jess choked out. "I _always_ wait for her."

Liz gave her son a sympathetic expression and leaned down so that they were on the same level. Jess looked down at his shoes in response.

"Accidents like this happen all the time to kids your age. It's not your fault."

"But if I had waited..." Jess was too slow and the tears he was holding back fell down his cheeks. He stepped out of his mother's grip, groaning at his moment of weakness. "I hate seeing Rory hurt, and it's even worse because I caused it."

"You didn't -"

"Jess," Lorelai unknowingly interrupted Liz. "Rory's all bandaged, and she's asking for you."

His chest deflated in relief. Jess sniffled and wiped away the rest of his tears. His mother gave him a nod of approval, silently telling him to go.

"Coming!" Jess shouted back, already running past his mom and toward the steps.

* * *

_Aged 13_

Jess can so clearly remember the worst day of his life. Or, what he thought was the worst day of his life. It was May, almost the end of the school year, and his mom had just told him they were moving to New York. When he had asked why, she told Jess that she was going to get her jewelry business up and running, and maybe find a good guy for once. Jess had no other choice. He had to go.

He'll never forget the sight of Rory's tear-stained cheeks as she cried into his chest, holding onto him for dear life. Jess didn't shed one tear. He couldn't. He had to be strong for the both of them. So, he simply held Rory until her cries slowed and then they said their goodbyes.

What he didn't know was that it wouldn't be the last time they saw each other. The next day, a Monday, Liz drove Jess to school so that he could get the last of his belongings from his locker. While he slowly cleared out his things, Jess purposely took the long way around the school, because he knew he'd get to see Rory. When he reached the classroom he knew she was in, Jess peeked through the window, waving until he caught her eye.

Rory immediately perked up at the sight of Jess. Just as fast, her hopes skyrocketed, thinking that he was going to stay; that Liz changed her mind. He smiled at her, her favorite crooked smile, and waved again before pressing his hand against the glass. Rory's lips parted as she realized Liz didn't change her mind after all and Jess was really leaving.

"Mr. Jacobs, may I use the restroom?" Rory raised her arm high in the air.

Her math teacher nodded and Rory shot up from her chair, rushing out the door. Rory ran around the school, trying to see if Jess was still there. When she figured that he wasn't, she sprinted out the nearest door and booked it toward the visitor's parking lot. She caught him just as he was stepping into the car.

"Jess!"

He barely had time to put his stuff down on the passenger seat before Rory crashed into him. Jess managed to catch her in time, wounding his arms around her while he picked her up from off the pavement. Rory buried her face in his neck, inhaling his signature scent that was unmistakably Jess.

"I love you," she murmured, placing her palm against the back of his head. Rory took one more breath from the fabric of Jess' t-shirt before she pulled away. "And we're going to be fine. We're going to write and call, and visit. Nothing is going to change. Promise?"

Jess laughed lightly when Rory held up her pinky, reminding him of the promise they made when they were younger. He hooked his own pinky around hers and squeezed softly.

"Promise." Jess' grin grew wider. "I can't believe you left class for me. For shame, Rory Gilmore. For shame."

Rory laughed, too, and pushed at his shoulder. "Shut up. I wouldn't leave class for just anybody."

"I know. Thanks."

Rory's stare softened as she brought Jess back in for another hug. Jess exhaled, trying to remember everything about this moment. He told himself that he had nothing to worry about. Everything was going to be fine, like Rory said. They were going to be best friends forever, just as they had promised six years ago.

And everything was fine. Until the day Jess received that letter, only months after he had left Stars Hollow.

**"She brings light into my world, my beautiful sun."**


	2. mother and child divided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsure of where or who to turn to, Jess runs away from his life in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot to mention before - this is mainly a Literati work, meaning that there won't be much (if any) mention of a Javajunkie romance. It didn't really fit into my plans, and it would mess up the path I have set up for Jess. I'm sorry if that disappoints you.
> 
> Also, P.S. - this story begins in October.

**"Golden child, lion boy; tell me what it's like to conquer."**

When he was thirteen, Jess couldn't imagine anything worse than moving from a small town to a big city, leaving his best and only friend in the process. Now that he's sixteen and has lived in New York City - and without his best friend - for the last three years, he can't picture himself leaving. He's no longer resentful toward the loud noises and occasional flashing lights. He finds comfort in both now. He's grown used to it being only him and his mom, or just him, as it was as of late. Although, he doesn't enjoy that part as much as he thought he would.

Yet, here Jess is - finishing off his cigarette on the fire escape outside his bedroom window, while his green duffel sits on the corner of his unmade bed, packed to the brim with essentials. Or, what he considers essentials. It's mostly his book collection and a few scraps of clothes. Everything else he can hopefully purchase later on. Jess lightly knocks his wrist over the railing, causing the short stem of ash to fall off the end of the cigarette.

The blaring sound of someone pressing down on their horn draws Jess' attention. If he were the same, scared thirteen year old boy, he would have jumped at the incessant noise. But he's not the same kid he was when he and his mother first moved here. His mom is different, too. Jess clenches his jaw tight at the thought of so much change, none of it good, and puts out his cigarette. He takes another look around his neighborhood, his shoulders drawn close to his neck. Jess lets out a sigh and grabs his empty coffee mug, hooking one leg back over the windowsill.

Jess takes his time in tidying up his room and when he's done, a feeling of desolation settles deep inside his chest. Ignoring it, he scoops up his cup from his dresser and peeks out the door, cracking it open just enough for him to see through the slit. From the safety of his bedroom, Jess can see his mom passed out on the sofa with her cokehead of a boyfriend slumped on the carpet next to her. Empty beer bottles, baggies, and some pill bottles are scattered along the coffee table. Jess quietly scoffs to himself as he exits his room.

After placing his mug in the sink, he does his best to clean up the place without waking his mom or Dwayne. Jess calls him Cocaine Dwayne. Not to his face, of course, though Jess is sure he'd get a good laugh out of that. When the apartment is relatively clean, Jess heads back into his bedroom. He closes the window and latches it before reaching for his duffel bag. Behind him, Jess shuts the door, cringing when a click sounds out, seemingly louder than usual. He holds his breath for a second until he realizes it doesn't matter. His mom and Dwayne are out cold, and won't be waking up anytime soon.

With his bag slung over his shoulder, Jess walks toward the door. He looks down at his mom, recalling how she used to be, and for a fleeting moment, Jess thinks about staying for her. But then he remembers the countless promises she's made to him over the years about getting her life back on track, and shakes his head. Maybe it makes him a bad person - a bad son, leaving his mom like this, when she so clearly needs help and support, but Jess has done all a sixteen year old boy can do and her promises have lost their meaning. They always do.

Before he can completely change his mind, Jess exits their shoebox apartment. He takes the stairs to the lobby and makes his way out the double doors, walking the familiar path he takes five days out of the week. Jess keeps his head down, lost in his own thoughts. When he reaches the intersection at the end of the sidewalk, Jess is faced with a decision to make. To his left and a few miles down is the subway, which would take him to school. To his right is the bus station, where a bus out of NYC awaits him.

Jess goes right.

* * *

It's not like Jess never thought he'd be back in Stars Hollow again. He did. When he originally left town, he thought he'd come back every now and then to visit Rory, and his Uncle Luke, if he were willing to see Jess. Those plans crashed and burned just as fast, though. Four months after arriving in New York, Jess received a letter from Rory that caused him to cut off all ties with this place. Still, here he stands, outside of his uncle's diner - back in Stars Hollow, where it all began.

From beyond the window of the diner, Jess can see a handful of customers eating breakfast while Luke serves them. Another twinge of guilt pains Jess as he remembers that he never got to say goodbye to his uncle, the man who was more of a father to him than his actual, biological dad. When Liz suddenly decided that New York was the place to be, she packed up their entire lives in record time, leaving hardly any time for anything else. Jess was fortunate enough that he got the chance to clean out his locker prior to flooring it out of there. Literally - from school, they drove straight to the city.

Jess forces his guilt and pride down, and rounds the corner, opening the door to Luke's Diner. Inside, the place falls silent. Jess pauses in the doorway and finds his uncle amidst everything else. It's clear that Jess is some sort of outsider. In a town where everyone knows everyone, a town of which he hasn't been in for three years, it's pretty easy to spot a stranger. Plus, it probably doesn't help that he's dressed in all black with a leather jacket to match. Luke scurries out from behind the counter when it fully registers that his nephew is here, when he should be in a different state. He simply wraps his hand around Jess' elbow and drags him toward the back. The two disappear behind a curtain, where Luke continues to guide Jess up the stairs, to his apartment.

Luke doesn't utter a word the whole time and Jess' mind is racing too fast for him to put together a coherent thought. They're barely through the door when Luke releases Jess, stalking in the direction of a desk. Luke reaches for the phone atop the surface and dials a number. Jess' heart sinks. He's calling Liz. He has to be. How he got their number in New York, Jess doesn't know, but there's no other explanation as to who he could be calling right now. Jess is tempted to rush his uncle, to yank the phone out of his grasp and slam it back down. He's prepared to beg and grovel so that Luke will let him stay, but he does neither of those, paralyzed by a rare moment of fear.

"...Call me back as soon as you get this."

Jess lets go of the breath he was holding, chest expanding in relief. He still has time. Luke hangs up the phone and turns his attention back to his nephew. He leans against the desk and crosses his arms, looking as though he's waiting for Jess to explain. Jess starts to, but his words are cut short by Luke telling him that he can stay.

"But only until I can get a hold of my sister," Luke amends. Jess nods, frozen to his spot near the door. "Is... Is everything okay back home?"

Jess manages to find his voice, the facade he's perfected over the past three years falling into place. "Everything's fine."

"So, why the surprise visit, then?"

Jess shrugs nonchalantly. He's guilty and apologetic, possibly more than he's ever been in his entire life, but he doesn't know how to show or say it. Luke drops his head, like he was expecting Jess' casual lack of response, while simultaneously hoping for something else; something more. Without another word, Luke pushes off from his place against the desk and walks right past Jess. The door slams on his way out, leaving Jess alone.

* * *

After Luke left, Jess didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like he was in a museum and wasn't allowed to touch anything. Several minutes passed before Jess finally set his bag down near the door, shedding his jacket along with it. He made sure to grab a book prior to crossing the room, entering the kitchen area. Jess set his book down on the placemat and pulled out a chair at the table. Then, he opened his book and tried to read.

Despite his tense exit, Luke checked on Jess every other hour. He's not certain why Jess is here and he's not all that convinced he wants to know, but he didn't want to leave his nephew unattended for hours upon hours while he ran the diner - reasoning aside. But each time Luke entered his apartment, Jess was in the same place as before, at the table with his book open. By seven o'clock in the evening, Liz still hadn't called. Luke, feeling slightly guilt-ridden, decided to offer an olive branch in the form of dinner.

"It's not much, just your standard burger and fries, but I thought you might be hungry."

"Thanks."

Jess accepts the box of food, but doesn't make any further movements to dig in. Luke rocks back and forth on his heels, watching how Jess merely returns to his book, as though that interaction never happened.

"Jess... What happened in New York?"

Almost instantly, Luke notices a change. Jess' body goes rigid and there's a tick in his jaw that tells Luke he may not answer him. Jess turns his head away from his uncle, attempting to rein in his emotions. Luke takes Jess' reaction as an answer within itself and goes to leave again. Jess can hear his shoes hit the wood, more or less relieved that he doesn't have to answer, but his guilt and loneliness twist together inside of him to form some twisted concoction. He came here to get away from the junkie acts, and most of all, so that he wouldn't have to be alone all the time. In a way, it's almost like he never left New York.

"Her - her jewelry business wasn't doing as well as she hoped. We were low on... on cash and she got mixed up with the wrong people. The wrong guy."

Jess slowly turns to face his uncle, though he keeps his eyes low. He's found that it's easier to tell the truth when you don't have to look at the person.

"What kind of people? What guy?"

"His name is Dwayne. He comes and goes, but he's been around a lot more lately." Jess recounts the run-ins he's had with Dwayne, neither of them decent. They mostly began and ended with Dwayne's fist meeting Jess' stomach - where Liz can't see the eventual bruising - over money or beer. Sometimes, he would accuse Jess of stealing his drugs because he'd be too out of it to remember that he already snorted the substances. "He fronts her the money we need to get by as long as she does something in return for him. And now he's got her interested in - in drugs, and she's... It's like she's not even my mom anymore. I don't... I don't recognize her."

"What does all of that mean, exactly?"

"When she's not drunk, she's high on something. When she's not high, she's drunk." Jess meets Luke's inquisitive expression with a hard stare. "Get the picture?"

For the first time since Jess got here, Luke actually appears to be sympathetic, forgoing the fact that the only family he had in town left without saying goodbye. Jess decides not to tell him the rest - the fights, the broken bones, the bruises. He doesn't want to make it worse for himself somehow, if Luke makes him go back to the city.

"How long has it been like... that?"

"I don't know. A while, I guess."

"Jess," Luke exasperates, "you should have called."

"I did," Jess admits in a stiff voice. His insides twist further at the confession. He gently pinches the side of his head, picking at the cloth of the placemat to distract himself. "I did call."

Luke is stunned as he combs back through his memories. Over the years, since Jess and Liz have been gone, he'd receive a phone call here and there. The last one was from two months ago. They were always the same, though, as Luke would continue to be met with dead silence. He figured it was someone messing with him, but now that Jess is here, claiming that he did call, Luke begins to piece together what he knows. The only conclusion that makes the most sense is that Jess was on the other end of all those phone calls, trying to muster up enough courage to ask for help.

"Jess..."

Whatever Luke was about to say next is cut off by the phone ringing. Jess shifts in his seat, facing straight ahead, staring at the landline. Luke glimpses between his stone-faced nephew and the phone, sighing heavily as he makes the choice to answer the phone. It could be Liz or someone else of importance.

"Hello?...He's fine. He got here in one piece...I know, but I don't think it's a good idea...Because I don't...I'll figure something out...Yeah, well. You, too. Bye."

Jess' nerves start to eat at him since he can only hear half of the conversation. He raises his head, meeting Luke's stare while he resists the urge to fidget on the spot. Not to be dramatic, but his fate kind of hangs in the balance here.

"My sister and I - your mother - we've agreed that it might be for the best if you stay, uh, here. You know, with me."

"For how long?"

"Unclear. We'll figure out the logistics at a later date."

Jess nods, a little shocked yet entirely unsurprised they reached _that_ agreement. He's certain that his mother told Luke that he could keep him. Without Jess around, it'll give her more freedom to do whatever she pleases. Jess rolls his eyes at the thought. It's not like she's been a prisoner of her world as it is. That would be his role.

Luke mumbles under his breath, striding toward the door, while Jess remains quiet. When the door is nearly shut, Luke freezes on the other side. He pushes it back open just enough so that he can fit through. Jess doesn't seem to notice and for a second, Luke is allowed to see how dejected his nephew appears. You'd think he'd be happier. He did run away, after all. Luke blows out a deep breath and takes a step back into the room.

"It's not - It's not you. Her spiraling, the money, it's not your fault. I just, I didn't want you to think it was, because it's not."

Jess turns in his seat, raising his eyebrows in slight amusement. Luke has always come off as being so collected to Jess, so it's entertaining when he gets like this; frazzled.

"Look, no one... No kid should have to live a life ruled by alcohol and drugs, especially when it comes from their parent. And that's all you are, Jess. You're just a kid. You deserve to act like one now, for a change."

Luke pauses for a moment longer to show Jess that he means what he says, before leaving Jess to his own devices. Once the door closes, Jess takes a true glance around his uncle's place. It's bound to be a bit cramped between the two of them, but it's free of the smell of alcohol and the sight of drugs, which makes it perfect in Jess' eyes. And for however long, it's going to be his home.

**"Fearless child, broken boy; tell me what it's like to burn."**


	3. healing times may vary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory finds out that Jess is back in town.

**"Two thoughts, equally as terrifying:  
** **what if I see you again?"**

"You can't smoke in here."

Jess deliberately glances around the diner, searching for a sign that says _No Smoking,_ but only seems to find the warning about there being no cell phones. He rolls the cigarette between his lips, raising his brows pointedly at Luke, while the smoke filters the otherwise clean air. Luke's eyes flare with annoyance as he storms forward, incidentally ignoring an awaiting customer in the process. For a second, Jess thinks he's going to rip the cigarette from his mouth and stub it out, but he doesn't. Instead, he reaches for a napkin and takes the pen from behind his ear.

"There," Luke says proudly, holding up his handiwork for Jess to see. Jess suppresses a grin as he reads the words, _No Smoking,_ written across the paper in black ink. Once he's sure Jess has gotten a nice, long look at it, Luke folds up the napkin and places it in the front pocket of Jess' shirt. "Made special, just for you."

Jess pulls the cigarette away from his mouth to speak and Luke takes that as an opportunity to snag it from him, effectively putting the light out. Inwardly, Jess protests, but settles for just rolling his eyes on the outside. He taps his chest, where the napkin sits in his pocket.

"Aw, Uncle Luke. I'll keep it right here, next to my heart, where I can love and cherish it, always."

"No smoking," Luke reiterates. He ignores Jess' blatant sarcasm - which has been making more and more of an appearance; a defense mechanism, Luke guesses - and jabs a stern finger in his nephew's direction. "It's a nasty habit and the customers don't like it."

Jess holds his hands up in surrender. "No smoking. You got it, Chief."

"Do not call me Chief. It's just Luke."

"Whatever you say, Just Luke."

"You know what? Don't address me at all."

Jess smirks to himself while Luke grumbles as he walks away, returning to the customer he was originally taking care of. Jess lets out a small sigh and pulls his book out from his back jean pocket, and flips to the page he had dog-eared earlier. He only gets about five sentences in before that's being taken away, too.

"No reading on the job," Luke explains without Jess having to ask. Jess throws his arms up in exasperation, turning around so he can lean his back against the edge of the counter, facing his uncle.

"Is there anything I _can_ do?"

"You can work. That was the deal we made, Jess."

Jess gnashes his teeth together in order to stop a comeback from flying out. He's become so accustomed to talking without a filter and saying the first thing that he thinks of, that it's hard to remember some of the things he says might have consequences later on. Jess looks away from Luke, harshly gripping the counter behind him.

It's moments like this that make Jess miss New York. All he had to worry about was himself, school, and periodically taking care of his mother while avoiding Dwayne. He didn't have a real, steady job because he didn't have the time or the experience, and he'll be honest, it was nice not having to work underneath someone else's thumb. The pay is nice here at the diner and the actual work isn't terrible, but it's no walk in the park, either.

At Jess' stoic expression, Luke gives a little. Jess has amazingly kept his word and has worked each day for a week. It's almost the end of his shift, anyway, so Luke decides to loosen the reins a bit. He sets down the pot of coffee he was holding to rummage through his pockets for his wallet. Once he finds it, Luke extracts a few twenty dollar bills and gives them to Jess.

"On second thought, why don't you take off early and head to Doose's? You said you needed some stuff, right?"

Jess nods slowly, suspicious at Luke's sudden change of heart. "What's the catch?"

"You give me an extra hour tomorrow. It can be added toward the beginning or end of your shift. You decide and let me know."

Jess contemplates the offer for a minute before he ultimately pockets the money Luke handed him. He doesn't smile or anything like that, but by the look on his face, Luke can tell that Jess hasn't caught many breaks in his life.

"Uh... Thanks. You didn't have to... I mean, I've got some money saved up -"

"I know."

Luke lifts his chin toward the door and Jess nods, taking the hint. He rounds the counter to grab his jacket off the rack and walks out the door. Jess has only been to Doose's Market once, when he and Luke went shopping for groceries, after it was made clear that Jess was staying. He vaguely remembers how to get there, and within minutes of leaving the diner, he's standing outside the store. Jess is half-tempted to laugh. In the city, it would take him a trip on the subway and a walk down the block for him to reach the nearest grocery store. Jess snubs his brief amusement and pulls open the door.

Inside, he takes a basket in hand and walks around, browsing the shelves. He mostly needs some gel for his hair, more toothpaste and deodorant, and maybe some stuff for school. Luke hasn't brought up the topic of Jess continuing his education yet, but Jess figures he's treading lightly right now. Choosing to save them a trip, Jess elects to search for supplies. After a few failed attempts in trying to find the right aisle, Jess finally ends up in the aisle that holds all the school and office supplies. He gets the basics - notebooks, pens and pencils, that sort of thing.

On his way out, Jess glimpses down at his basket to make sure he has everything he came for and then some, continuing to head for the check out. With his attention elsewhere, Jess accidentally bumps shoulders with another customer. He mumbles a quick apology, righting himself as he looks up to see who it is he knocked into. At first glance, he sees that it's a couple, wrapped tightly around one another in a disgusting, puppy love show of affection. At second glance, he sees them for who they really are - Rory and a stranger, who must be her boyfriend.

Jess would be lying if he said that the thought of dropping everything and running didn't cross his mind. Rory seems to recognize him, too, because she's stopped kissing her boyfriend long enough to stare at Jess with wide eyes. Jess watches while she detangles herself from the guy, inclining her head to presumably get a closer look.

"Jess?" she asks in disbelief. It comes out much quieter than she intended, but it does the trick.

Of all the times that Jess pictured himself returning to Stars Hollow, he never thought about what he'd say to Rory if he ever saw her again. He thought that chapter of his life was closed for good. Feeling overwhelmed and unprepared, Jess does the only thing he knows how to do, and do well - he leaves.

* * *

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," Rory teases in an effort to lighten the mood between her and Dean, her boyfriend. When he stares blankly at her in response, she clears her throat loudly and nods. "Er... Yeah, go ahead."

"Who was that guy? The one who ran into us."

Rory purses her lips, thinking of how she wants to answer. Initially, she didn't think it was Jess, but when she realized that it was him, Rory couldn't believe what she was seeing. After three years, he's come back and Rory is undoubtedly a little curious as to why. A small part of her selfishly thought that maybe he came back for her, to mend what's been broken, but that notion went out the window when he literally ran at the sight of her.

"Just... someone I used to know," Rory quietly replies. She knows that Dean heard her utter Jess' name, which means he knows _who_ he is. Rory also knows that Dean was actually searching for _how_ she and Jess know each other.

Dean nods, the answer having sufficed for now. The moonlight mixes with the street lamps, shining down on them as Dean walks Rory home. In a moment of tenderness, he raises their locked hands to place a kiss on the back of Rory's. She smiles at the gesture and Dean returns it, guiding her to the left, where the gravel eventually leads to her house.

"Thanks for walking me home."

"Thank _you_ for waiting until my shift was over."

Dean walks Rory the rest of the way and kisses her goodnight. Rory waves when he turns back around about halfway down the driveway, like he always does, before entering her home. Her mother is sat on the sofa, aiming the remote at the television. Rory slumps against the front door, shaken by today's unexpected events.

"Hey," Lorelai calls out without turning around to look at Rory. "How was your afternoon?"

"It was good -"

"Good."

Rory rolls her eyes and pushes off from the surface of the door. She leaves her shoes at the door and loses her jacket prior to walking over to the couch. Rory flops onto the cushions next to her mother and tosses her head back, sighing loudly.

"You didn't let me finish," Rory mutters. "It was good, until I saw someone."

"A ghost?"

"Something like that."

"Was it Paul Anka?"

"Paul Anka is still alive, mom."

"Well, yes, but he could have come to see you in spirit. You know, to give you some guidance," Lorelai talks with her hands, crinkling her eyebrows as though the answer should be obvious.

If Rory didn't feel so drained all of the sudden, she would have laughed. She settles for a noise somewhere between a snort and a scoff instead, appeasing her mother.

"Unfortunately, Paul Anka did not visit me, nor did he give me guidance."

"Another famous person? Oooh, was it -"

"It was Jess."

Lorelai pauses, mouth still open. Rory waits for her to fully understand, turning her head to the side to gauge her mom's reaction. Lorelai gasps in realization, her hand flying to rest dramatically over her chest.

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Okay, I am not doing this with you right now."

Lorelai puts the remote down on the table and settles deeper into her seat, adjusting her position so that she's facing Rory entirely. "He's back?"

"Looks like it."

"Tell mommy what happened. Did he say anything? Do anything? Did you throw a drink in his face and run away?"

"You're incorrigible. You know that?" Rory runs a hand down the side of her face, completely spent. "No, I didn't throw anything in his face. I said his name because I couldn't believe it was really him, and then _he_ ran away."

"Huh. I wonder what brought him back."

"Me, too."

Rory squirms against the sofa, recalling her short encounter with Jess. A crease forms between her brows as she delves deep into her thoughts. She can't exactly place it, but something about their run-in is bothering her. It's not that he took one look at her and scurried away, although that does admittedly sting. It's something else, something more than what's on the surface.

"Anything else you want to tell me?" Lorelai presses, reaching out to play with the ends of Rory's hair in a soothing manner.

"I don't know. I mean, he looked like Jess. Same eyes, same nose, that same tilt to the mouth. But... But at the same time, it was like he wasn't all there."

"What, like he's..." Lorelai points at her temple and makes a circular motion with her index finger. Rory shakes her head, a frown marring her otherwise delicate features.

"No, not that. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like something's changed. Like something's... shifted. He's Jess." _My_ Jess, Rory's inner voice corrects without a second thought. "But he's - he's not. He's this completely different person."

"Wow, you got all of that in one exchange? Have I birthed the next Nostradamus?"

Rory spares a small smile and playfully rolls her eyes. "I just, I felt it."

"Well, you _have_ always known him better than anyone, but kid, a lot can happen in three years. Maybe what you thought you saw is actually nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, maybe."

Lorelai opens her arms and Rory shuffles across the couch to crawl into her mother's arms. She feels younger somehow as she rests her head over Lorelai's chest, listening to the strong pounding of her heart. Rory exhales softly, willing that nagging feeling to go away. She's not the same person she was at thirteen and she doubts Jess is the same boy he was before he left. But whoever he is now, Rory can't help but hope that there's still a part of that boy left over. The boy who read to her, the boy who would always wait for her, the boy she loved more than anything or anyone.

Rory has no business hoping for such things, and it's most likely wishful thinking at this point, but that's the thing about hope - you either have it or you don't. With Jess back, all Rory can do now is put on a brave face and trust that she's not putting her hope in all the wrong places.

**"What if I don't?"**


	4. the son also falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke talks to Jess about his school situation. The two visit the Chilton campus, where Jess comes face to face with his past - again.

**"What can change in a year? _Everything._ "**

_Tap, tap-tap, tap._

Jess pauses mid-chew, looking around the sandwich in his hand to glimpse at his uncle, who's sitting across the kitchen table from him. Luke's dinner sits untouched next to him, meanwhile Jess is almost done with his. Jess sets down his half-eaten sandwich and wipes at his mouth with the napkin. Luke shakes his head several times and repeatedly hits a specific button on the calculator in front of him, mumbling a slew of profanities under his breath.

"Is there a problem?" Jess finally asks, leaning back in his chair.

"No problem."

"That calculator would say otherwise. It sounds like it's having a mini stroke, what with all the tapping."

Luke sighs, pressing the pads of his fingers into his forehead so hard that Jess is certain he's going to leave a mark. Jess pushes back his chair, the leg scraping against the floor, and bends forward to get a better look at the papers Luke is looking at so intensely. He scoops up the pile closest to him, ignoring Luke's protests. Jess skims the page, trying to absorb as much as he can before his uncle inevitably snatches the papers back. He furrows his brows as he realizes he's looking at Luke's financial information.

"Give me that," Luke practically growls, standing over his nephew while he takes back what's rightfully his. Jess lets him, not putting up a fight. Luke reshuffles the pages so that they're in order and sits back down.

"What's this all about?"

Another loaded exhale slips out while Luke rests his forearms on the table. Jess inwardly groans. He knows this look. He hasn't been here all that long, only a few weeks, but he knows this look. It means business.

"We have to discuss your school situation."

"Great," Jess mutters as he sinks lower in his seat. He figured that this topic of conversation would be brought up eventually, but he's not exactly thrilled by the prospect, either. "What about it?"

"Well, I was talking to Lorelai, Rory's mom - you remember her, right? - and she mentioned Chilton."

That would explain all the papers containing information about Luke's finances, strewn all over the table. Jess doesn't know much about the place, but he knows enough. Chilton is a greatly respected institution and no one gets in for free - or for cheap, for that matter.

"Isn't that the school for the rich and snobby?"

"Be nice. Those are your future classmates you're talking about."

Jess scoffs and abruptly stands up, popping the top back on his container. He erases the short distance between him and the fridge, sliding his leftovers in an open space. Jess closes the door, silently wishing that Luke had a larger place. It would be nice to have his own room to storm into so that he could avoid this conversation for another couple hours, at least. At the lack of response, Luke shifts in his chair and sees Jess, all wound up with his shoulders drawn up and his back taut.

"Look, is it a highly rated school? Yes, I'm not going to lie to you about that. But I've seen your grades from when you were in middle school, before the move. I know how smart you can be when you... apply yourself." Jess sighs and turns to face Luke, putting his weight against the fridge. "I know it's about a month into the school year, but I - I think we can swing it with your transcript."

"You haven't even seen my transcript. It could be a nightmare, for all you know."

"Well, is it?"

Jess works his jaw, finding a particular spot on the floor to stare at. It's not like he enjoys school. He doesn't. But it was either go to school every weekday and keep busy while getting the work done, or stay home, make sure his mom doesn't choke on her own vomit, and do side jobs for Dwayne and his friends in the meantime. It was a fairly simple choice. Plus, he _is_ smart. He knows he is. So, in addition to his motivation to stay in school, it wasn't too difficult to keep his grades on track.

"No," Jess relents grudgingly. "It isn't."

"I didn't think so."

"Are you sure, though? I mean... Chilton has to cost a fortune and we're not exactly rolling in money."

Luke runs a hand over the top of his trademark baseball cap. Today, it's blue. "They offer some financial aid that I'm sure we'd qualify for. It won't cover all of the cost, but I'll figure the rest out. Besides, if you end up going to Chilton, you'll have someone there to show you the ropes."

Puzzled, Jess curls his lips in concentration and that crease between his eyebrows grows deeper. Luke dips his chin, a slightly confused expression crossing his face, too.

"Rory?" Luke continues. "I thought you would have known that, given you two are friends."

"Oh, uh, yeah... I must have just forgot. We don't talk about school much," Jess quickly recovers, rubbing at the nape of his neck. He doesn't have the heart to tell Luke that their friendship has been over for a while now. Luke thinks he's doing such a good thing and Jess won't be the one to break that spirit.

* * *

Jess isn't sure what he was expecting, but whatever his expectations, Chilton's exceeded them. The whole campus is extremely expansive with multiple buildings, an impressive courtyard, an atrium - and that's only on the outside. Indoors, the halls are plenty spacious, classrooms almost as big as the entire apartment he left back in New York, and they have an over the top library. Jess spends most of his visit exploring the school and what it has to offer, waiting his turn to talk to Headmaster Charleston after Luke finishes.

Overhead, the bell sounds out, signaling the end of class. Jess plasters himself against the walls, trying to stay out of the way as countless students begin to file out of classrooms. Some stop at their lockers, a few take their time in meeting up with their friends between bells, while many simply carry on to their next class. As the flurry of kids starts to calm, Jess steps away from the wall of lockers.

"I'm telling you, he had that equation all wrong!"

"Paris, he's the teacher. I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

"Oh, please. If he had half a brain, he'd realize that teaching is _so_ not his calling."

"If only you were there from the start, to tell him to hang up the phone."

Jess peeks around the corner, catching sight of Rory and another girl with dirty blonde hair, who is still ranting - Paris, her name is. He watches as Rory nods along to whatever Paris is saying, smiling and replying when necessary. Rory looks around, clearly searching for an out. Jess ducks back behind the wall when her gaze reaches his direction. He prays to a higher power that she didn't see him. To be safe, Jess starts down the hallway and toward the library.

He pulls open the door and shuts it as quietly as he can behind him. The librarian nods at Jess in greeting and he returns the gesture before heading deeper inside the room. Jess takes the small staircase in order to get to the elevated level of the library and walks down the aisle of books. He casually browses, not truly looking, while keeping an eye on the time. He'll have to speak to the Headmaster soon about his possible enrollment.

"Pretty great selection, huh?" Jess nearly jumps out of his skin, whirling around to see the one person he was trying to avoid - Rory. Amusement glints in her blue eyes when she realizes that she scared Jess, but she's kind enough not to laugh. "Much better than the one we had in kindergarten."

"I... I have to go."

Jess thought for sure that she didn't see him, but that doesn't mean he has to stay here, now that she has. He turns on his heel and begins to make his way back down the row of books. Rory acts instinctively, her hand shooting out to lightly grip Jess' wrist.

"Jess, please wait." He's not sure what stops him - the contact or the desperation in Rory's voice - but he waits, much like he used to when he and Rory were younger. Rory's lips quirk at the corners as she slowly releases her hold on Jess. "Well, it's nice to see that after everything, that hasn't changed."

Jess spins around to look at Rory, staring impassively at her. The small smile she's wearing fades and she nervously tucks her hair behind her ears.

"So... Chilton?"

Jess shrugs. "Your mom suggested it to Luke, who suggested it to me."

"Oh. I take it you're staying, then? In Stars Hollow?"

"I don't know. Maybe." A long beat of silence passes while Jess stares at Rory, and Rory stares at Jess. He's the first to break eye contact. He juts his thumb over his shoulder, already taking a step back. "I should - I should go. I have to talk to the Headmaster."

"Right, of course."

Jess awkwardly turns his back on her and disappears beyond the bookcase. Rory wants to go after him, but what else would she say? What would she do? Drawing a blank, Rory fights against the desire for more time with Jess, but it's like fighting a losing battle.

"Jess!" On their own accord, her legs carry her to the top of the short staircase. Jess hesitates on the last step, looking up at Rory. A bunch of the other students glance at them and Rory turns pink, realizing that she had yelled his name. She fusses underneath all the attention, managing a quiet, "Good luck."

Jess nods in acknowledgment, stepping down from the last tread while holding Rory's gaze. She swallows past the sudden lump in her throat as time seems to move in slow motion. Ultimately, Jess nods one final time - in goodbye - and gives her his back. Rory watches helplessly while he exits the library, leaving her yet again.

**"Even the people you love? _Especially the people you love._ "**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any theories or predictions about anything, feel free to drop them below in the comments!


	5. alone with everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke asks Rory to look after Jess on his first day at Chilton. Jess comes home from school to a surprise from his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Jess and Luke type of chapter, my apologies. We'll get more Jess and Rory interactions soon!

**"They wonder why he acts so cold. I don't think they understand..."**

The clock on the dashboard reads 7:17 AM as Luke's truck comes to a full stop in front of the Chilton campus. While Luke puts the car in park, Jess allows himself to relax. He barely moved for the entire car ride, afraid of wrinkling his uniform after Luke spent most of this morning ironing out the kinks. Through the windshield, Jess can see groups of students heading indoors, away from the brisk November air. In his peripheral, Luke leans forward to lower the volume of the radio before turning in the driver's seat, angling his body toward Jess.

"Well, this is it," Luke rallies, doing his best impression of someone who's all rainbows and sunshine. Jess stifles an eye roll for his uncle's sake.

"This is it," Jess mutters back.

With the first warning bell approaching, the last student in the front courtyard hurries up the stairs, reaching for the door just as someone else exits. Much to Jess' dismay, that someone else happens to be Rory. She takes in her surroundings prior to sitting down on the flat surface located at the top of the staircase.

"Well, you better go. You don't want to be late on your first day."

Jess gathers his faded backpack in his arms and pulls on the handle of the passenger door, pushing it open the rest of the way with the bottom of his shoe. "No, we wouldn't want that. Would we?"

"Hey, watch the sarcasm today."

"Only today?"

"Jess."

"Relax." Jess lets the eye roll go freely this time as he exits Luke's truck. He turns to close the door, noticing the concerned expression on his uncle's features. Jess' shoulders sag with a small sigh. "Don't worry, I'll behave."

Luke nods once at Jess in goodbye and starts the car. Jess takes that as his cue to shut the door, so he does. He yanks the straps of his bag over his shoulders, watching while Luke pulls away from the curb and drives down the street. Jess waits until the back of the car disappears completely from his sight, knowing full well that he's stalling. Jess releases another shallow breath and turns to get his day started. He falters slightly when he realizes that Rory is still near the entrance, but he manages to regain his footing. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, Rory stands and smooths out her plaid skirt. Jess doesn't miss the bright yellow bag on her back, raising his eyebrows at it.

"Hi."

"Hey. Are you the welcoming committee?"

"Something like that." Rory pretends not to notice how Jess has stopped short at the end of the staircase. She tells herself it has nothing to do with her, yet she knows it has everything to do with her. "Luke asked me to help you get to your classes and to help you catch up on your assignments. I couldn't exactly say no, even if we are... Well, I don't know what we are."

 _Not friends, not enemies,_ Jess silently fills in the blanks. _We're just co-existing, floating in the space between our past and our present._

"Anyway," Rory continues when Jess doesn't offer her an answer, "shall we?"

"No offense, but I don't think this is a good idea."

"Do you have a better one?"

Jess faintly smirks at her quick wit, causing Rory to glare when she detects the small movement. He takes the stairs one at a time until he's standing in front of her. Jess loops his thumbs under the straps of his bag, shrugging.

"I'm just... better off alone."

"No one's better off alone."

"Wouldn't it have been nice if you thought that way three years ago," Jess deadpans, reaching around Rory to get to the door. In the blink of an eye, though, she has her hand pressed against the surface, preventing Jess from opening it. "Do you mind? I'm trying to get to class."

"What do you mean, if I thought that way three years ago?"

"Look, it's nothing. All right? It doesn't matter. Now, if I could..."

Jess uses his other hand to pluck Rory's away from the door and cracks it open just enough for him to slip inside. Due to the glass material used, Rory has a clear view of Jess walking down the hall, leaving her behind - again. She should go after him and demand answers. If nothing else, to make sure she fulfills her promise to Luke, but she stays put. Something tells her that Jess doesn't want to be chased.

* * *

By the end of the school day, Jess is kicking himself. He's too proud and stubborn to ever admit this aloud, but he should have taken Rory up on her offer. He could have used her help today; he could have used a _friend_ today. Jess got lost four times, was late to nearly every single one of his classes, and now has more binders full of past and current assignments than he knows what to do with.

When Luke picks Jess up shortly after the final bell rings, Jess is about ready to collapse from the lack of energy combined with the weight of the binders. He almost berates his uncle for listening to Rory's mom in the first place, but he knows Luke had good intentions. It's not their fault that Chilton is high school on steroids. Luke helps Jess with his bag and all of the binders, putting them in the back, while Jess uses the rest of his energy to hop inside the truck.

"So, would now be a bad time to ask if you made any friends today?" Luke asks, hardly holding back a laugh.

Jess simply scowls at his uncle for his ridiculous question. Luke lets out the burst of laughter he had been holding in and puts the truck in drive, heading for Stars Hollow. Jess settles back in his seat and leans his head against the cushioning, hoping to get in a power nap.

* * *

When Luke wakes Jess up, he's disoriented and still tired. Jess forces himself to sit up, leaning over the console to get his belongings. Once he has his backpack and binders, Jess climbs out of the truck and follows Luke's lead, crossing the street toward the diner. Jess kicks the door shut behind him and makes his way to the upper level, where the apartment is. Luke was considerate enough to leave the door open, so Jess doesn't have to worry about messing with it. He staggers inside and crashes on the kitchen table, dropping his books onto the wood.

Jess rests his cheek against the cool exterior of the top binder for a second before standing up. He slips his bag off his shoulder and places it on the chair, finally catching sight of all the boxes surrounding him and Luke. Jess glances at Luke for an explanation, but Luke seems just as stumped as he is. Quietly, as though tethered by an unspoken agreement, the two move for the boxes and start to rip them open.

Jess rifles through the box in front of him, his chest constricting when he sees an old sweatshirt of his. He pushes the flaps to the sides and digs deeper, his fingers brushing pieces of his clothing. Thinking that maybe this is a joke or a fluke, Jess moves on to the next one, where he finds the books he couldn't fit into his duffel when he left New York. Jess doesn't bother in opening the rest, standing to his full height.

"It's all my stuff," Jess whispers more to himself than Luke. "She sent everything. _Everything._ "

When he left the city, he never intended to stay gone. He just needed time away from his mom's destructive lifestyle and the people she chose to surround herself with. Jess always had this tiny ember of hope burning within him, that she'd take his absence as a hint to get clean - that she'd choose him. But by the sight of the rest of his life packed away in boxes, his disappearance seemed to have the opposite effect.

"She doesn't want me back," Jess states flatly.

"You don't know that."

"What else am I supposed to think?"

Jess clenches his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. He's not angry, not really. He's just hurt, but he doesn't know how to express that without the fear of coming off as weak, so he bottles it up inside until it's all begging to be released.

"She asked for you to come back. That first day, when you showed up, she told me to put you on the first bus back to New York."

Jess lifts his gaze from the flooring to his uncle. "You never told me that."

"I didn't think it was a good idea for you to go back, not after the story you gave me." Luke blows out a heavy breath, looking around at the boxes, some opened and some unopened. "I never thought she'd pull a stunt like this. She's probably just upset."

Jess breathes deeply, the room feeling too compact all of the sudden. Luke extends an arm toward him, to console him, but Jess steps out of his reach. He stumbles back into the open doorway, holding up a hand in Luke's direction.

"I just..." Jess stammers, blinking away the stars clouding his vision. "I need space."

In the short time they've been together, Luke has learned that it's better to give Jess what he needs, rather than try to push someone else's wants onto him. Luke nods, letting his nephew go. Still partially stunned by his mother's way of retaliation, Jess exits the apartment, and then the diner.

* * *

Jess returns to the diner by nightfall. It's fairly empty inside, with only a couple or two sitting near the large window, facing the town. When he sees Jess, Luke doesn't rush him like he normally would with say, Rory. He gives Jess the time he needs to come to him. Jess hesitates in the entryway before he shuffles toward the counter, taking a seat on a stool.

"You should have told me," Jess mumbles.

"I know. I was just doing what I thought was best for you."

Jess nods, sliding his forearms down the surface. He leans forward to rest his chin on the sleeve of his uniform. He was about twenty steps into his walk when he realized he was still wearing it.

"Do you want to go back to New York?"

Jess picks at a random spot on the counter while he considers Luke's question. Are there moments when he'd much rather be in the city than here, in the agonizing town of Stars Hollow? Yes. However, once upon a time, this was the only place Jess ever wanted to be. Maybe, with time, he could learn how to enjoy life here again.

"No, I don't." Jess sits up, clasping his hands in his lap. "I... I want to stay. I mean, if you - if you want me to."

"Of course I want you to stay. Who else am I going to get around here to help me with the diner?"

Jess' guard slips and he laughs lightly, pushing himself up and off the seat. He rounds the island and begins to make his way to the stairs, leading to the apartment.

"Hey, uh, come here."

Jess slowly walks toward Luke, who quickly pulls Jess in for a one-arm hug. It's short and a bit uncomfortable, but it's the most affection from a father figure that Jess has gotten in a long time. Luke releases Jess with an awkward pat on the back and tells him to get upstairs, and work on his homework.

Jess does as he's told, heading upstairs. He sighs when he sees the boxes, now crowded together in a corner of the apartment. Jess allows himself to dwell on it for a moment longer before moving on, walking over to the kitchen, where he left his things for school.

If the shipment of his life in boxes signals the end of one chapter, Jess can only hope that there's something better waiting for him. He's not usually one to have hope, but without it, he'd be even more lost than he is right now.

**"...to act so cold, you had to once care too much."**


	6. bracing the waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory and Jess are partnered up on an art project. Dean becomes easily agitated with Rory, catching her off guard.

**"What if seeing each other again..."**

Jess turns over the stick of nicorette gum in his hands while his walkman plays "City Of Angels" by The Distillers. The bus pulls over from the main road, tires nearly touching the curb. The front and back doors open, silently calling for those that are boarding the bus. Jess slips the piece of gum in the pocket of his denim jacket and reaches for his backpack, hauling it over his shoulder. He nods at the driver in acknowledgment as he steps onto the bus. Noticing that it's almost completely empty inside, Jess slides off his headphones and places them around his neck.

"Wait! Please, hold the bus!"

Jess glances through the glass of the double doors and sees a blur of plaid and blue colors. He steps back off the bus, pressing his hand against the surface of the door, just in case the driver decides to be impatient and leaves the both of them stranded. Rory comes to a stop in front of Jess, bending over with her hands on her knees. She's gasping for air, wisps of hair going in every which direction.

"You gonna make it?" Jess asks amusedly.

Rory huffs out another heavy breath and nods, using what little energy she has left to stand up. Jess allows Rory to go first and follows after her. The two find a set of open seats in the back, on opposite ends of each other. Rory all but collapses in her seat while Jess bites back a smirk.

"Hey..." Rory says after the bus driver has resumed their usual route. "Thanks."

"No big deal."

Jess contemplates putting his headphones back over his ears to fill the awkward silence, but he doesn't. Instead, he watches their surroundings change through the window. As they come to the end of town, a garbage truck passes by, surely carrying the many boxes of cardboard that once held Jess' belongings and the pack of cigarettes Luke threw out this morning. Jess subconsciously reaches into his pocket for the box of gum and extracts a piece.

"You smoke?" Rory questions like it's a secret. Jess hastily puts the package of gum away. "I mean... You used to smoke?"

"Quit this morning," Jess confirms in a gruff voice. "It was Luke's idea."

"When did you start?"

Jess shrugs and pops the gum in his mouth, chewing it. "On my fourteenth birthday."

Rory slumps in her seat, the answer having shocked her. Fourteen is such a young age to be corrupted by the allure of nicotine. The thought of Jess at fourteen, smoking outside of a city building, hits Rory in flashes and taints the image she's had of him for so long. The Jess she knew wouldn't have looked twice at cigarettes. She wonders what made him choose such an ugly habit. Rory picks at the skin around her nails while Jess opts to turn back to his music, after all.

Rory mentally scolds herself. She can't keep comparing _her_ Jess with the one next to her; this near stranger. She can't continue separating the before and after. Rory has to accept the truth, and the truth is, she doesn't know who Jess is anymore. She did when they were younger and she might like to think she still does sometimes, but she doesn't.

Her mom was right. A lot can happen in three years, but what exactly did happen?

* * *

Rory's short encounter with Jess bothers her for the duration of her morning classes. Hundreds of different scenarios have come and gone, running through her mind, but none of them seem the most likely to have caused Jess' change in demeanor. The only way she'll ever get the answers she's searching for is to go straight to the source, but to ask Jess about his time in New York is like trying to carefully defuse a ticking bomb. Rory looks to her left, where Jess stands at his locker down the hall.

"So, what's your deal with him?"

Rory averts her stare from Jess to Paris, who is leaning against the wall of lockers to Rory's right. Rory continues to fuss within her locker, trading her math and science notebooks for her english and art books.

"Who?"

"Him." Paris juts her chin in Jess' direction, causing Rory to follow her line of vision.

"No deal," Rory answers indifferently as she closes her locker. She turns around with a sigh and puts her weight against the metal.

"You mean to tell me that you don't know him."

"No."

 _Not anymore,_ Rory amends to herself. Her and Paris begin the trek across the main building, heading for their shared art class, one that they share with Jess, ironically enough. Paris walks quietly beside her and Rory thinks that maybe she's snuffed out any suspicions her friend might have had. She should be so lucky.

"You don't look at someone like that if you don't them."

Rory clutches her books tighter to her front as they pass Jess on their way to class. "We just used to be friends, is all."

"What happened?"

"What always happens. Life gets in the way, people change." As they turn the corner, Rory takes the opportunity to glance over her shoulder. Jess can be seen with his nose shoved in a book, the crowd of students parting for him. Rory returns her attention to Paris, raising her shoulders in a nonchalant motion. "They grow up. They grow apart."

Paris and Rory stop just outside of the art classroom, so that Paris can make a stop at her locker. Once Paris has her necessary books and her lunch for their break, they cross the hall. The two reach the doorway of the classroom at the same time Jess does. Rory pauses to let him go in first, as restitution for him letting her onto the bus first earlier this morning.

"Ladies," Jess greets stiffly.

Paris forces herself between Rory and Jess, but hesitates underneath the frame, whirling on Jess. "So, what's _your_ deal? Because from what I've heard -"

" _Paris,_ " Rory hisses as a warning while she rushes to nudge Paris further inside the room. Paris gives Rory a sour look, but continues on toward her desk.

"Don't mind her," Rory says to Jess as they walk to their respective seats. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Excuse you, I can speak for myself," Paris retorts. Rory shoots daggers at her friend, silently begging for her to take the hint. Paris resentfully crosses her arms and grumbles, "I have no idea what I'm talking about."

Rory releases a breath of relief, mouthing a thank you to Paris with her back to Jess. Rory takes her assigned seat as the rest of the class proceeds to file in. Over the speakers, the second bell rings, signaling the beginning of class.

"Okay, class. Settle down, please," Chilton's art teacher, Mrs. James, announces her presence. She gathers a clipboard in her hands and slips her glasses over the bridge of her nose. "Today, I will be assigning a project. You will be working in pairs, but don't get too excited, as I'll be choosing the partners."

A chorus of groans and whines can be heard throughout the classroom. Mrs. James rolls her eyes good-naturedly, expecting this kind of reaction. She raises her arms, welcoming the protests.

"Moving onto the assignment itself," she continues, speaking over the complaints. "Once you have a partner, you will meet outside of class and get to know them. By the end of this week, you're to turn in a drawing or painting that depicts how you see your partner, and an explanation as to why you imagined them as such. Any questions?"

When no one raises their hand, Mrs. James goes on to assign partners. She does it by alphabetical order, flying through the students with last names from A to F. When she reaches those with last names that begin with G, Rory sinks lower in her chair. As Mrs. James approaches Rory, she drops the hand she was using to shield her profile.

"Rory, you will be partnered with... Jess."

"Jess? Jess Mariano?"

Mrs. James lets out a small laugh. "Yes, he's the only Jess we have in here. Is this going to be a problem?"

"Oh, um, no. No problem."

Rory stands on shaky legs and walks down the aisle of desks, stopping once she reaches Jess'. Rory mulls over her options, trying to figure out the best way to break the news to him.

"Er... Hi, partner," Rory says as cheerily as she can. Jess looks up from the book he was reading, staring blankly at her. "I... I can request a change, if you want. I promise not to take it personally."

 _Lie._ Who is she kidding? Of course she'd take it personally. To her surprise, Jess doesn't jump at the chance to switch partners. He merely shrugs, reclining in his chair.

"We'll probably work better together, anyway."

In her dumbfounded state, Rory lets a smile fall into place. "I thought you were better off alone."

"A guy can change his mind, right?"

"Yeah, a guy can, but you..." Rory trails off and Jess lifts his eyebrows challengingly, daring her to finish that sentence. She laughs a little, the tension leaving her. "I guess I just never know what to expect from you anymore."

Jess' set jaw loosens slightly as he drops his gaze to the top of his desk. He runs the pad of his index finger over the design of the wood. "Yeah," he replies distantly. "I could say the same."

* * *

Dean pulls Rory back into his chest as they sit on the swing outside of the Gilmore's home. He wraps his arm securely around Rory's middle while Rory moves to hold the hand laying on her lower stomach, absentmindedly playing with his fingers.

"So, what did your day look like?" Dean questions, resting his chin atop Rory's head.

"Well, I almost missed the bus, but luckily, Jess was there to hold it for me," Rory recounts. "Thankfully, the rest of my day went by smoothly. Oh, but I did get assigned an art project along with the rest of my class, which isn't too great. I'm no Picasso, you know."

"What's the project?"

"My teacher put us in pairs and we're supposed to spend time with our partner for the next few days. By the end of this week, we have to hand in a drawing or painting that shows how we see our partner, with a short paragraph as to why."

"Sounds interesting enough. Who's your partner?"

"Jess."

Dean tenses beneath Rory's back, his arm tightening around her. "Jess?"

"Yeah. He's the one who ran into us at -"

"I remember," Dean icily cuts her off. "And you're just going to spend the whole week with him? Alone?"

"We will be alone for the most part, yes. But I mean, we'll be on school grounds, so it's not like we'll be completely alone."

Dean scoffs, detangling himself from Rory. The swing shakes as he abruptly stands. Rory slides to the edge of the cushion, preparing herself for whatever's to come next.

"That doesn't make me feel any better, if that's what you were hoping for. You'll still be with him in a secluded area, while I sit at home, waiting for you to be done."

"Dean, I have to do this, okay? It's for school. Besides, once I'm done working with Jess, I'll be yours for the rest of the day." Rory stands and walks closer to Dean, hooking her arms around his waist. "Please don't be mad."

"You're _my_ girlfriend. I'm just reacting how any boyfriend would."

Rory's arms loosen around Dean's backside as her fight begins to wane. Dean is her first boyfriend, leaving her with little experience to compare this fight to. Unless you count films and shows, but relationships aren't always what they seem like on tape. Dean exhales heavily and bends to kiss Rory on the forehead.

"I just don't love the idea of my girlfriend hanging out with some guy I don't know, alone. Even if it is for school. Tell me you understand that."

"I understand," Rory replies quietly.

"Good. Look, I have to be home soon, but we'll talk more about this later."

Rory knits her brows together, confused. She thought that they were done talking about this. What else is there to say? Although, in order to please Dean and avoid a fully fledged argument, Rory nods. Dean grins down at her, kissing her cheek before leaving.

Slightly put off by his behavior, Rory heads back inside. She moves as though on autopilot, replaying their conversation from the start. Why does it feel like she's fighting for Dean's approval over something so simple? Was Dean right, is that how any boyfriend would have reacted? Ignoring the nagging feeling, Rory enters the house, ready to get her mind off everything with some homework.

**"...changed everything?"**


	7. this is the color of my dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory present their work, making them wonder if all is truly lost where their friendship is concerned.

**"She found the colors to paint him..."**

Jess nimbly twirls the cigarette between his fingers, kicking off from his place against the brick wall when he spots Rory amidst the crowd of students. He finds the nearest trash can and deposits the lone stick he found in his leather jacket, pushing his hands into his pockets when he's done. Rory approaches him with her thumbs looped underneath the straps of her bright yellow bag.

"Were you waiting for me?"

"You should know by now that I don't wait for just anybody."

Rory cracks a shy smile as Jess falls in step with her. The two walk in borderline awkward silence while the rest of the school files out, the school day having ended. Rory leads him back inside, bearing to the left. Jess quietly follows her in the direction of their lockers.

"I just want to put my bag away, and then we can get started."

"No rush."

Rory puts in her combination and unlocks the door, pulling it open. She removes her backpack and places it inside her locker. She grabs the moderately-sized drawing pad and a handful of pencils before closing the door. On the other side, Jess looks at her expectantly.

"Do you have a place in mind?" Rory asks, shifting under his stare.

"Actually, I do. Have you ever been to the atrium?"

"Surprisingly enough, no. Have you?"

Jess nods and begins to walk away, pausing for a second to make sure that Rory's following. She takes the hint and hurries after him, allowing him to be the one to lead her this time. Jess and Rory walk across the courtyard and towards the back of the school, where the atrium building stands tall. It resembles a green house, the only real differences being that it's connected to the rest of the school and there's less plants. Although, like a green house, the atrium has natural light pouring in through the windows, which is essential if they're going to draw or paint.

Jess enters the atrium through the door that normally leads outside and holds it open for Rory. She takes in the vicinity, speechless. The ceiling is high and clear, letting the sunlight shine down on them, as if they were still outdoors. To her left, Rory can see where the atrium leads to the school. Jess plops down on the bench that's set against the wall, extracting a drawing pad similar to Rory's, some paint, and brushes from his bag. After getting over her initial amazement, Rory joins him.

"So..." she speaks up.

"So," Jess repeats.

"How do you see me?"

"Well, that's the point of the project. Isn't it? To get to know your partner."

"Yeah, but you already know me," Rory says lightly. It slips out so easily and she immediately wishes she could take it back. Realizing her mistake, Rory drops her stare from Jess' and messes with her pencil, rolling it in her hand. "I mean, you did. You knew me."

Rory curses herself for ruining the simple flow she and Jess had going. She just _had_ to put her foot in it by reminding Jess of how little they truly know each other now. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed; like no time had passed, but then Rory blinks and the moment is over.

* * *

On Friday afternoon, following the final bell, Rory and Jess meet with Mrs. James to present their work. Neither of their classmates are present since their teacher wants to protect everyone's privacy and personal thoughts. When the pair walk into the classroom, Rory notices how all of the desks have been pushed to the back. Mrs. James is sitting in the middle of the room with a clipboard resting on the arm of her chair.

"Hi, Mrs. James," Rory says as she walks toward the front of the classroom.

"Rory, Jess. I hope you two have had a good day." Mrs. James gathers her clipboard, looking at them over the top of her glasses. "Have you talked about who will be going first?"

Truthfully, they didn't discuss the order of which they'd be presenting. Rory looks to Jess for help. Jess tugs on his bottom lip, stepping forward. He volunteers to go first, if only to get it over with. Rory steps off to the side to give him room. Jess places his drawing pad, covered by a piece of cloth, onto the easel provided. Mrs. James nods, giving him her approval to go forward with his presentation. Jess' hand shakes as he reaches for the sheet, unveiling his work in one quick motion.

Rory holds back the gasp threatening to spill over, incredulous by the sight she's met with. In front of her is the outline of a silhouette drawn with a black marker. There's the basic eyes, nose, lips, and eyebrows drawn where the face should be. Along the silhouette is the color of brown hair and two small curves, indicating ears. Inside the outline is an intense splash of colors. It seems that Jess used watercolor, making the colors of the rainbow blend flawlessly together. Make no mistake - he's no Picasso, either, but he must have done something right to render Rory speechless.

"Very impressive, Jess. Would you care to explain why you illustrated this specific painting of Rory?"

It barely registers that Rory is holding her breath, waiting for Jess' answer, until her lungs start to scream in protest. She releases a shallow breath, steeling herself for whatever response Jess is about to give Mrs. James. He hangs his head, mumbling an incoherent reply.

"Jess?" Mrs. James persists.

"Um... You probably don't know this, but Rory and I were friends once, and well, now - now we're not." Jess pauses, squirming on the spot. Rory is torn between feeling sorry that he's so uncomfortable and wanting to yell at him to answer faster. "I don't know her as well as I used to, and even after this assignment, I'm still not convinced that's changed. But, uh, all of my happy memories are with her, so... So, this is what I see when I look at her."

Rory is absolutely floored by the revelation. Jess chances a glimpse at her before hurrying to remove his painting from the platform. Mrs. James tells him to leave it on her desk so that she can grade it later. Jess listens to the instructions given to him and then trades places with Rory. She walks to the front of the room and shields her work with the sheet of fabric that Jess left, placing it on the easel. What she reveals when she drops the sheet is almost the exact opposite of what Jess presented.

The piece has a shadow and face alike to Jess', but with shorter hair. It's not the best artwork ever done, but Rory is certain that Mrs. James is mostly looking for the explanation. In contrast to Jess' painting, Rory's is gray within the figure, with only a burst of color right where the heart would be.

"Interesting take, Miss Gilmore. You have my attention."

"Well, as Jess mentioned, we used to be friends. I might not know him like I used to, but I... I like to think that I still know his heart; that it hasn't changed much, if at all."

"I see. And the heart is colorful, because...?"

"Because... I know that while he may not always show it, Jess' heart is good. _He's_ good." Rory grazes her fingertips over the colors, suddenly nostalgic. "I think he shows the jagged, broken pieces of himself to others in hopes of keeping them at bay, so they don't see his true self - so they don't see how good he can really be."

"That's the gray, yes?"

"Yes," Rory confirms with a swift nod. "It's... easier that way, I'm sure, but it's also lonely."

Mrs. James hums, seemingly satisfied with their presentation. She writes a few notes on her clipboard while Jess' gaze burns a hole in the side of Rory's head. Mrs. James instructs Rory to do the same thing as Jess, to leave her drawing pad, before dismissing them. Rory half-expected Jess to book it out of there the moment the words left Mrs. James' mouth, but much to her surprise and satisfaction, he exits the classroom and waits.

Rory takes her time in grabbing her bag, trying to prepare herself for what awaits her outside this classroom. It's difficult to get a good read on Jess at all, but especially now. Is he mad? Is he upset? Does he feel anything at all or is he like the Tin Man? Rory blows out a sigh just as she leaves, coming face to face with Jess.

"Waiting for a bus?" Rory jokes, angling her body so that she can roll her eyes. It didn't sound that lame in her head.

Jess humors her, though, offering a small smirk. "Just... thought we could walk out together."

"Oh. Well, that's... That's nice of you."

Jess stretches his arm out, gesturing for Rory to go first. She does, and he eventually comes to stand by her side. The silence between them is much different than the silence that haunted them at the beginning of the week. This time, it's much lighter and less awkward. It's comfortable. Jess peeks out of the corner of his eye at the same time Rory does. She blushes and quickly turns away while Jess grins to himself.

When Jess and Rory reach the double doors, they both halt their movements, almost like they're not quite ready to say goodbye. Rory savors this moment for when tomorrow inevitably comes. She wants to remember today, because today is good. Today, she and Jess got along, and he waited, and they walked together without missing a beat. Today, they took a step forward without taking three steps back.

"So, I'll see you at the diner later?" Jess asks.

"The diner?"

"Yeah. Luke is trying out this new special, and I know you and your mom won't miss the opportunity to sample it."

Rory beams on the outside, dipping her chin to hide her growing smile, but on the inside, she's _glowing._ "We must have missed our invitation in the mail," she teases. "But, yes. We'll be there."

"Cool." Jess rocks back on his heels, clutching the one backpack strap to his side. "Later, then."

When Jess leaves Rory standing in the doorway this time around, she doesn't feel defeated or like an old toy, pushed to the side. She feels optimistic. Unbeknownst to either of them, their art project was disguised as a stepping stone in the right direction, and Rory thinks she likes the path they're on. They might finally be getting somewhere.

**"...where the world had left him gray."**


	8. what goes up must come down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory gets injured in P.E. class. Dean's jealousy becomes more prominent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler, but it also has some important stuff.
> 
> TW: abuse.
> 
> The scene involving ab*se will not be graphic. However, please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable.

**"I was never sure whether you were the lighthouse..."**

Jess toes the edge of the center line that's painted down the middle of the gymnasium, hovering near the sidelines. One of Jess' peers bravely knocks him on the back and orders him to pay attention to the game going on around them. Jess rolls his eyes and throws up his middle finger in response.

"Mariano!"

Jess drops his hand back to his side while his classmates stare vacantly at him. Their P.E. teacher, Mr. Jenkins, stands near the main doors with his hands on his hips, looking annoyed.

"Yes?"

"Are you playing or are you daydreaming?"

"Certainly not daydreaming, sir."

"Then act like it," Mr. Jenkins remarks.

Jess sarcastically salutes his teacher while everyone else resumes play. The point of the game, Capture The Flag, is to snatch the piece of fabric - the flag - on your opponent's side and make it back to your rightful side without being tagged. It's undoubtedly an adolescent game, but a credit is a credit. Doing as he was instructed, Jess _acts_ like he's into the game, jogging around here and there to make it appear as though he's protecting his team's side.

"What's the matter with you? You didn't have to shove her!"

"She was on _our_ side!"

"Oh, boo freaking hoo. She was one teensy inch over the line. Get over yourself, jerk."

Along with the rest of his classmates and Mr. Jenkins, Jess looks over at the commotion. Paris and some jock are getting into it while Rory lays on the ground nearby, hugging her leg to her chest. Paris jabs a stern finger in the guy's face, forcing Jess to think on his feet. He hurries over to the scene before Mr. Jenkins can get to her, and steps between Paris and the jock.

"You have an audience," Jess mutters.

"Let them watch, then. Maybe they'll learn something."

When Paris gets a second wind, coming at Jess full force, he ducks and picks Paris up in order to physically remove her from the area. He sets her down a few feet away and shoots her a warning look. Paris pins him with a death stare in return and shakes out of his grip.

"Fighting isn't going to solve anything. All right? Take it easy." Paris' lips thin in defiance, but she doesn't make a move to get past him. "I know he hurt Rory, and trust me, I'm not terribly thrilled about it, either, but you have to let it go."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you've been in a fight or two."

"Yeah, I have," Jess confirms her assumption in a low voice. "Which is exactly why you should take my advice."

Jess raises his brows, silently asking if he can leave her unattended. Paris rolls her eyes, waving her hands to the side, signaling for him to go. Jess turns around to see that a small crowd has formed around Rory. He pushes his way through and helps her up, hooking an arm around her middle while she throws an arm over his shoulders. She puts her weight against him, loose strands of hair brushing his cheek.

"Thanks," Rory says on a breath.

"Just like old times, right?"

Jess glances at Rory to determine her reaction, his lips curling at the corners. She dips her head, cheeks pink. Her expression tells Jess that she remembers the time she fell off her bike and Jess helped her all the way to her house.

"Miss Geller, my office, please. You and I are going to have a little chat," Mr. Jenkins announces.

Paris gives Jess a knowing look on her way by. The consequences could have been a lot worse if he didn't step in. He nods in her direction before she turns her back on him, heading to Mr. Jenkins' office. Rory watches while her teacher and classmates begin to disperse, her well-being left in Jess' hands. Jess tightens his arm around her and shuffles forward. Luckily for them, the nurse's office isn't too far from the gymnasium.

When the two reach the nurse's office, Rory explains what happened while her ankle is examined. The nurse instructs her to elevate her leg and gives her an ice pack. Once Rory's situated, the nurse leaves to call Lorelai and inform her about the situation, telling Rory to shout if she needs anything.

"You don't have to stay. I'm sure you want to get home."

As if on cue, the final bell rings, effectively putting an end to the school day. Jess shrugs, hopping up onto the open bed next to Rory. "I have no other plans besides homework, and my shift at the diner doesn't start until later. I'm good to stay, if you want me to."

Rory smiles softly to herself as Jess unzips his bag, taking out his work. "Well, you're not the worst company in the world..."

"Then, it's settled. I'm staying."

* * *

Rory and Jess stay in the nurse's office for about thirty minutes before the ice starts to really melt. They take that as initiative, gathering their belongings and leaving school for home. After they step off the bus in Stars Hollow - as though they're ten again - Jess walks Rory all the way home. Well, he walks while she hobbles slightly. The nurse gave her crutches, deeming the injury as a small ankle sprain. Rory insisted that she didn't need crutches, but the nurse advised her to keep as little weight on it as possible for the time being.

They walk in silence, the only sound being a suction-like noise when the bottom of Rory's crutch meets the concrete. When they finally reach the end of their walk, turning the corner toward Rory's driveway, both parties falter at the sight of Dean sitting on the porch steps.

"Boyfriend?" Jess questions, vaguely remembering the day he bumped into Rory at Doose's.

"Yeah. His name is Dean."

"Serious?"

"Kind of. We've been together for a little over a year."

Jess nods in understanding, noticing how Dean stands at the top of the staircase, inadvertently showing how much taller he is than Jess. Rory tells Jess that he can go, if he's not completely comfortable, offering him an out. He takes it after a moment of consideration, checking on Rory one more time before he goes. Rory staggers in the direction of her boyfriend, stopping at the bottom of the stairs.

"What happened?" Dean points to her ankle that's been dressed in medical wrap, courtesy of the school nurse.

"I got hurt in my last class."

Dean regards the lesion, moving his gaze upward until he's staring at a spot over Rory's shoulder. "And Jess volunteered to help you? There was no one else around?"

"Well, Paris had to speak with our teacher and I didn't trust anyone else to help me."

"But you trust Jess?"

Rory subtly rolls her eyes and tries to make it up the stairs on her own, since it doesn't seem like Dean's going to help her anytime soon. It takes a little longer than usual, but Rory manages, continuing to move past Dean. She doesn't like to talk to him when he gets like this, all jealous and immature. Dean doesn't miss how she brushes him off, reaching down to harshly yank on her wrist. The quick movement causes the crutch under Rory's right arm to collapse onto the porch.

Rory hisses at the bite of pain and struggles in Dean's hold. "You're hurting me."

Dean's jaw tightens as he digs the pads of his fingers in, squeezing. A strangled noise leaves Rory, pain shooting up her arm. Desperate to get away from Dean, Rory twists and pulls until at long last, he releases her. The unexpected surrender results in Rory falling backward, landing on the flooring with a loud thud. A whoosh of air expels from Rory, the force knocking the wind out of her.

Dean bends to help her, but Rory shrinks away from him. The front door suddenly opens, revealing her mother standing in the doorway. Concern immediately flashes in Lorelai's eyes while she takes in the scene in front of her.

"Honey, what happened? Why are you on the floor?"

"I just, um, I lost my balance. I guess I'm not used to the crutches yet."

Lorelai comes to the other side of Rory and together, she and Dean help Rory onto her feet. Rory stifles the urge to lean away from Dean's touch, allowing him to grasp her arm with a much gentler touch than the one he had just used. Dean hands Rory the crutch that fell and helps her inside the house, following behind Lorelai.

Rory sits back on the sofa, elevating her leg while her mom retrieves a bag of frozen vegetables. Dean grabs the blanket on the back of the couch and throws it over her figure, tucking the fleece in at the sides. Rory avoids his stare, grudgingly thanking him when he's done.

"Don't be mad," Dean whispers, leaning in close so that Rory has no other choice but to look at him. "I'm sorry I got jealous, okay? I just... I love you and I don't want to lose you."

Rory slowly nods. His mood swings are bound to give her whiplash one of these days. Dean tests the waters, gradually closing the distance between them. Rory accepts the light kiss he gives her with reluctance. Lorelai comes back out to the living room and situates Rory with the bag of vegetables at her ankle, thanking Dean as he leaves.

* * *

Later that night, Rory made sure her mom was occupied with _Almost Famous_ before she retired to her bedroom, powering her computer on. She opened Google and tentatively searched for signs of abuse. Her internet browser is now open to several different sites, explaining possible signs of different types of abuse. Rory's head begins to hurt, all of the words starting to mesh together due to how long she's been reading. She exits the websites and powers down her computer.

Rory sighs softly, glancing down at her right wrist, where Dean grabbed her. A light pink color stands out against her pale skin, making her frown. Rory tugs on the sleeve of her sweatshirt to hide the marks. She leans back in her chair, looking aimlessly around her room while her fingertips dance across the top of her desk. The reflection of tape catches Rory's eye, the words _do not open_ written across the piece in black sharpie. The corners of her mouth twitch in remembrance.

Going against her younger self's advice, Rory pulls on the drawer handle and reveals what she used to refer to as her Jess Drawer. Every picture, every gift, every drawing - anything relating to Jess is stored in here. She used the drawer quite frequently when he moved away, when she was trying to forget about him. Rory looks through the miscellaneous items, her fingers grazing metal. She latches on and pulls it from the pile.

A framed picture of her and Jess stare back at her. They must have been at least eight. Rory grins to herself, brushing the pad of her thumb over the glass, collecting some particles of dust in the process. She and Jess have the biggest smiles on their faces with their arms wrapped around each other. Rory clutches the frame to her front and closes her eyes.

She loves that she and Jess have made progress since his first day back in town, but a small part of her wishes she could go back. Back to when things were so easy and simple, and they didn't have to worry about anything. Back to when she was just Rory and he was just Jess, and somehow that was enough.

**"...or the storm."**


	9. house where nobody lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Jess celebrate Christmas Eve with the Gilmores and company. Afterwards, they come home to a surprise.

**"I did not realize that putting a light in a home..."**

Jess' reflection stares back at him with an unamused expression. He lets out a loud breath and runs the flat of his hand down the front of the ugly Christmas sweater, the maroon color contrasting with his slightly olive skin. Using the mirror to his advantage, Jess can see Luke appear behind him, giving his own sweater a once-over. A frown paints Luke's semi-aged features while he messes with the collar, trying to make the ugly sweater less hideous. Jess drops his gaze, rolling his eyes at the floor so that his uncle doesn't see.

"Nothing you do is going to make that sweater any more attractive," Jess utters as he scoops some hair gel onto his fingers. He looks back to his reflection and runs his hands methodically through his hair.

"I could say the same to you."

"Hey, I've accepted what is. I might wear a jacket for the walk over, in order to hide this monstrosity from the rest of the town, but you don't see me messing about."

Luke grumbles unhappily, giving the dark green sweater one last tug before walking away. Jess' mouth pulls at the corners while he puts the finishing touches on his hair. Once he's satisfied, he turns and grabs his leather jacket, pulling it over the horrid Christmas sweater. It's a tough fit due to the thickness of the jumper, but Jess makes it work.

About a week and a half ago, Lorelai came to Luke with this brilliant idea to have an ugly sweater themed Christmas party at her house. Of course, Luke declined at first, but being the ever-persevering woman she is, Lorelai eventually wore him down.

"Ready?" Luke asks, standing near the door.

"As I'll ever be."

Jess slips past his uncle and bounds down the staircase. Luke follows close behind with bags of presents scattered up his right arm. At the bottom of the staircase, Jess pushes the curtain to the side and holds it back for Luke to walk through, allowing him to take the lead. Luke doesn't miss a beat, and together, they exit the diner.

* * *

"You promise you'll be nice to Jess?" Rory continues to pester her mother. She manages to snag a handful of popcorn from the bowl Lorelai is carrying to the kitchen table. Lorelai swats at her daughter's grabby hands as she passes. "I know you've seen each other at the diner, but this is the first time you'll be in a confined space with one another for an extended period of time."

Lorelai sets down the large bowl of popcorn and turns, placing a hand on her hip. "I promise to try."

"That's the Christmas spirit."

"Well, it's technically not Christmas yet."

"Mom," Rory pleads.

"Hey, who am I, if not a woman of my word?" Lorelai cracks a smile and dances over to Rory, moving to the beat of the Christmas music coming from the living room. Lorelai grabs Rory by the sides of her face and squishes her cheeks in a teasing manner. "I'll try, but if he -"

Rory softly pushes Lorelai's hands from her. "He won't."

"But if he does -"

"He _won't,_ " Rory says more forcefully, silently hoping that Jess doesn't make a fool out of her. She wants everyone to be on their best behavior tonight. Things have been going well with Jess, and she doesn't want to ruin the progress they've made thus far.

"You make a very compelling argument," Lorelai replies in a tone that tells Rory her argument is anything but. Lorelai pretends to ponder on their enlightening conversation for a moment. Rory rolls her eyes, waiting for the other shoe to drop. As though she knows she's being waited on, Lorelai continues, "But if he does -"

The chime of the doorbell saves Rory from another round of going back and forth with her mother, the sound ringing throughout their home. Rory reacts faster than Lorelai, hurrying to answer the door. She can hear the familiar voices of Sookie and Jackson before she actually sees them. Rory pulls the door open, letting the pair inside after greeting them. Following the couple is Michel, who offers a nod at Rory while he walks further indoors.

Lorelai is there to lead everybody into the kitchen, where most of the snacks and drinks are going to be for the night. As their guests get settled, the doorbell rings again. Rory pushes off from the archway near the kitchen and starts toward the front door. Jess and Luke wait on the other side this time.

"Hey, no more crutches." Luke points downward.

"Yeah, I saw my doctor yesterday and they gave me the all-clear. My mom calls it a Christmas miracle."

Luke grins and ducks down a little to hug Rory prior to walking inside to set down the presents. Jess hesitates outside, unsure. Rory notices and steps aside, waving him in. He nods in response and enters, shedding his jacket as he goes. Rory smiles when she sees what's underneath.

"I like the sweater."

"Protocol, right?" Jess pushes the sleeves past his elbows, unknowingly giving the outfit a bit of his personal touch. He shrugs, glimpsing at the awful design on his top half. "Luke picked it out."

Rory's smile grows while the two walk into the kitchen. Sookie and Jackson are gathered near the food, Lorelai and Michel are working on the drinks, and Luke is grabbing some plates for everyone. Rory's arm brushes Jess' as she passes him. She glances over her shoulder, giving him a small, reassuring smile. It's not blinding or anything, but somehow it's enough to get Jess to put one foot in front of the other, joining the ongoing festivities.

"Merry Christmas, Jess," Lorelai comments, looking up from the drinks for a brief instant. Rory beams at her mom, thankful that she kept her word.

"If you want to get technical, it's not really Christmas yet."

Lorelai's jaw pops open and for one terrifying second, Rory thinks she's going to berate Jess for his response. Rory holds her breath, waiting for the flurry of remarks, but what her mom says next surprises even her.

"That's exactly what I said!"

* * *

While the adults - mainly Sookie and Lorelai - enjoy wine and blaring music in the living room, Jess and Rory opt to hang out in the kitchen, where it's only just a notch quieter. Rory runs the tip of her finger around the rim of her coffee mug, laughing lightly as she watches Jackson decline yet another offer to dance with his intoxicated wife. He sidesteps her and makes a break for it, walking at a rushed pace into the kitchen. Jackson huffs out a loud breath and pulls the eggnog from the fridge, pouring himself a cup.

"No wine?" Rory teases. Across from her, Jess smirks discreetly at the comment.

"I've seen what the wine can do," Jackson answers, gesturing back toward the living room. "I think I'll stick with the eggnog."

"Better safe than sorry."

Jackson nods in agreement and takes a long pull from his cup. He sighs, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin. He holds up the container of eggnog in Jess' direction since Rory already has a drink next to her.

"You want some? I'm buying," he jokes.

"Oh, he doesn't like -"

"I don't really like eggnog."

Jackson glances between the two and slowly puts the carton down, excusing himself from the room. Rory can feel her cheeks heat in embarrassment. She chances a glimpse at Jess. He's leaning against the back of his chair, his thumb and index finger spread out across his jaw. They share a mutual look full of curiosity.

Jess is the first to break the silence between them. "I guess some things don't change, huh?"

Rory shyly lifts one shoulder under the warmth of his gaze. "Maybe _some_ things."

"Yeah," he murmurs. His response is barely audible over the music that's still playing. "Maybe."

Feeling overly clammy and nervous, Rory tries to keep herself busy. She reaches for the plate of brownies that Sookie brought, the sleeve of her sweater riding up an inch or two in the process. Jess' stare narrows at the splotches of bruising at Rory's wrist. They're a grossly looking yellow and blue-green color, meaning that the bruises are almost completely healed. It still looks like it hurt at the time of the injury.

Rory goes to ask Jess if he'd like a brownie, too, but sees that his attention is elsewhere. She carefully follows his line of vision, noticing that the bruises Dean left are on display for anyone to examine. Rory quickly pulls her arm back, leaving behind the delicious looking baked good. Jess' eyes flit up to meet hers at the rushed movement.

"It's nothing," Rory says before Jess even has the chance to ask. "It happened in - in P.E. class, when that guy hurt me."

Jess tilts his chin upward, the motion so minuscule that Rory would have missed it, if she weren't already staring at him. He appears like he's trying to decipher Rory's excuse, to see if she's really telling the truth. Rory manages a smile, but she's so clearly flustered that she's sure it's not as believable as she wants it to be. 

She tries again, inhaling a deep, calming breath. Her rough smile softens around the edges and her blue eyes don't seem as glassy. "It's fine, honest. _I'm_ fine. Besides, the bruising is almost gone."

Jess leans forward, looking at Rory from underneath his lashes. Her breath catches at how intense he appears. "Rory, if there's... You know, if something is going on with you, you can tell me. I know our current, uh, situation is tough to navigate right now, but whatever _that_ was, it - it trumps everything."

Rory has to remind herself to keep her breathing even. She laughs, the sound coming out all choppy due to how jittery she is. "Jess, I - Thank you, but I'm okay. Really."

"Okay."

Jess still seems like he doesn't truly believe Rory, but then he averts his stare, and the next time he looks at her, that suspicious glint in his eye is gone.

* * *

After presents were exchanged, Luke took pity on Jess and made an excuse for them to leave. Lorelai tried to get them to stay until midnight, so that they could all be together to ring in Christmas, but Luke insisted. Lorelai only let them go with the vague promise of, "you owe me" directed toward Luke. He shudders, thinking about what that could possibly mean for the future, but Luke leaves with Jess anyway, taking his chances.

Luke pulls up outside his diner and turns off the ignition. Jess yanks the ugly sweater over his head, revealing a plain white t-shirt. He shoves the piece of fabric into Luke's chest.

"Here," Jess says gruffly. "Burn it, memorialize it, try to take it back to the store. I don't care."

Luke takes the sweater off his nephew's hands. He grins faintly. "Did you keep the tags on it?"

"Of course I did. Did you keep the receipt?"

"In my wallet," Luke answers. "I'll take them back the day after Christmas."

"Works for me," Jess replies before jumping out of the truck.

Luke gathers their unopened gifts and follows suit, leaving Jess' sweater in the backseat. Knowing that the diner is locked and his nephew doesn't have the keys, Luke hurries after Jess. He crosses over to the sidewalk and jogs down the street. Luke only just catches himself in time when he realizes that Jess has stopped short outside the diner, for an entirely different reason than the restaurant being locked. His sister and Jess' mother, the infamous Liz Danes, is standing in front of them.

At the sight of Jess and Luke, Liz cheers and immediately tackles them in hugs. She wraps Jess up in her arms first, rocking him from side to side. Jess' arms remain limp at his sides, surprise evident on his face. Next is Luke. Hooking her arms around her brother's middle, Liz squeezes Luke tightly. After the pleasantries are over, Liz steps back, smiling widely.

"Mom... What - What are you doing here?"

"What, a mother can't visit her own son on Christmas?"

"Yeah, a _mother_ can," Jess mumbles. He checks his watch for the time. "Plus, it's not officially Christmas yet."

"What Jess means to say," Luke starts with a glare in his nephew's direction, "is that we weren't expecting you. What brings you to town?"

"Oh, I just missed my two favorite boys, so I thought I'd drop by for a visit."

"And a phone call simply wouldn't do?" Jess taunts, keeping his voice low.

"Jess," Luke warns. He sighs and moves to unlock the door. He pushes it open and ushers everyone inside, locking the door again behind him. "Look, it's late. Why don't we catch up in the morning?"

"Well, all right. Do you think I could crash here?"

"I don't see why not."

Jess opens his mouth to chime in, but Luke shakes his head, signaling for his nephew to keep quiet. Liz beams and kisses her brother on the cheek before heading for the stairs. She disappears behind the curtain, the sound of her footsteps coming in loud and clear throughout the otherwise still diner. When Jess hears the faint noise of a door clicking shut, he turns to Luke, expecting an explanation.

"She wouldn't be here if she didn't have to be. Not after I defied her and after what she did to you, with the boxes, with... everything. Something must have happened between her and that boyfriend, for her to come here."

Jess glances over his shoulder at the checkered drape, wearing a forlorn expression. He releases a shallow breath and starts walking again, this time toward the apartment upstairs. Luke follows, staying close. Luke looks like he's completely unfazed by the appearance of Liz, but Jess can't seem to exude that same confidence, whether Luke is faking it or not.

Jess is absolutely rattled inside and out by his mother's unannounced visit. Yet, she seemed to be so... happy at the sight of him. She definitely isn't high or drunk. Jess would have smelled the alcohol or sensed that something was off. Could she be clean?

Jess slows in front of Luke, but if his uncle notices, he doesn't make a comment. If his mom is clean and her relationship with Dwayne is potentially over, what does that mean for Jess? With all he knows and at the risk of everything he doesn't know... Does any of this mean anything at all, or is Luke right, and she's just here until the storm at home blows over?

**"...would not make it any less likely to haunt me."**


	10. tree of forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess hits his breaking point with Liz and finds himself in need of a friend.

**"People always leave..."**

When his mother originally showed up on Christmas Eve, Jess never would have thought that she'd stay long, let alone the duration of his winter break. Jess exits the somewhat cramped bathroom, dressed in his Chilton uniform. He digs his towel into the back of his head, drying his hair as much as he can before he has to leave for school. Liz spent an extra thirty minutes in the bathroom this morning, setting Jess back half an hour in the process.

Jess runs the towel over his head one more time, ducking back inside the bathroom to hang it up on his hook. He crosses the room, walking toward the dresser Luke set up for him. From the kitchen table, Liz's phone rings. She all but jumps at the noise, moving quickly to answer it. Jess haphazardly throws the closet door open and reaches for his navy blue blazer. He throws it over his shoulder while he collects his backpack from the floor.

"You won't regret it. I promise...I know. I love you, too...Yeah. Okay, I'll talk to you later," Liz says into the phone prior to hanging up. She waves a hand in Jess' general direction, trying to catch his attention as he's leaving the apartment. "Hey, Jess, wait. That was Dwayne on the phone. He wants me to come back."

"That's... great, mom. Really great," Jess supplies, hoping he sounds a whole lot more supportive than he currently feels.

He attempts to leave again, only to be pulled back in by his mom calling his name for a second time. Jess sighs and checks his watch. He can spare about five minutes - maybe a smidge more - but after that, he'll have to leave in order to make it to the bus stop on time, since Luke is occupied with the diner and can't drive him.

"I know what you're thinking. I only came here because Dwayne kicked me out and I had nowhere else to go."

"Well -"

"You'd only be half-right. The other half of the story is that I did miss you and my brother. And to prove it... I want you to come with me. I want us to be a family again."

Jess freezes in the open doorway. He studies his mom for a second and lets out an amused scoff. "You're joking, right?"

"Of course not," Liz answers. A groove forms between her brows, which tells Jess that she's offended. "Jess, this... this isn't your home."

"And New York is?" Jess swiftly retorts. His jaw clenches and his shoulders begin to tighten as he goes on the defensive. "I mean, regardless of wherever our so-called home is, it doesn't change what you've done."

Liz leans back in the chair, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Jess mutters. "Look, I don't have time for this right now. I have to get to school."

"Jess!" Liz yells after him when he disappears around the corner. She stands, prepared to follow him in case he doesn't listen to her. Jess grudgingly backpedals, slowly reappearing beyond the frame. "I don't care if I have to drive you to school myself. We're going to talk about this right now."

Jess gnashes his teeth together, irritation more than prominent. He slips his bag off his shoulder, leaving it out in the hall while he storms back into the apartment. He stops a couple feet away from his mother, the tension palpable between them.

"You're supposed to be my mom. You're supposed to - to love me. Right?" Jess suppresses the sardonic bark of laughter threatening to spill over. "I mean, you haven't been sober since your business failed three months in. You shipped my belongings to me in - in boxes, with no note or warning. _Nothing._ That's... That's got to be love. Right, mom?"

"Now, wait a minute -"

"And now you're telling me that you want me to leave with you, after that. You have to be kidding. You just, you have to be."

Guilt flashes in Liz's eyes. "I... I wasn't in the right state of mind when I did that. I just walked into your bedroom and I saw that your things were still there, and I got so - so angry. I reacted badly."

Jess nods once, a stiff motion. He believes that his mom's head wasn't clear when she packed all of his things up. It hasn't been clear in a long while.

"But I can get clean," Liz interjects Jess' thoughts. She tries to give her son an uplifting smile, but the sentiment falls short on his side. "If you come home, I'll get clean. I - I do love you, and if you come with me, we can leave all of this in the past."

Jess can sense the familiar feeling of disappointment seeping back in. He starts to back away from Liz, bending to pick his bag up. He reins in his emotions, composing himself.

"If you really wanted me to come back with you, you would have not only asked me weeks ago, when you first got here, but you would have come to me already clean."

Defeated, Liz stands there, completely still, while Jess rushes down the staircase so fast that it's a shock he doesn't fall and break his neck. When he reaches the diner area, he tries his best to settle and walk at a steady pace, but really, he just wants to get out of there. He's definitely going to be late and he should care more than he does, but instead, he feels drained.

On his way out, Jess passes Luke. He's half-afraid that Luke is going to chastise him for being late, but to Jess' surprise, Luke takes one glance at him and understands.

"She'll be gone by the time you get back from school."

Jess' chest deflates with a deep exhale. "I... I'm sorry. I tried to be civil, but she just, she pushes all the right buttons and -"

"I should be the one apologizing. It was a bad idea to have her stay here," Luke insists, passing off a cup of coffee to an awaiting customer. "Try not to worry about it too much, all right? Just - just go to school. We'll talk more later."

"Are you -"

"Jess. Go, before you're even later."

Deciding not to push his luck, Jess listens.

* * *

By lunch break, Jess has finally cooled down from the morning's altercation with Liz. Granted, he's still bothered by it, but he can walk the halls now without his blood boiling at the mere thought of his mother.

Jess groans low in his throat when he realizes he forgot his lunch. He presses his forehead against the inside of his locker door, taking a deep breath. He was so fed up with his mom that it completely slipped his mind to grab the brown bag Luke left in the fridge for him.

"Hey. Is everything okay?"

Jess opens one eye to see Rory. Her head is hanging low, trying to get a good read on him. He wordlessly trades his bag for a book and closes his locker, turning to properly face her.

"Yeah, everything's just peachy. Did you need something?"

"Actually, I forgot to give you your Christmas present when you and Luke were at our house. I only remembered it this morning, otherwise I would have given it to you a lot sooner."

Jess pushes off from his locker while Rory hands him his gift. He grins slightly at the badly wrapped present, but thanks her, anyway.

"I'll open it later."

Rory nods, heading for the cafeteria. Jess, on the other hand, heads in the opposite direction. She notices his absence from her side and spins around to see his retreating back. She frowns, watching while he makes his way toward the library. Rory quickly goes after him, catching him by the blazer before he can enter the room.

"What are you doing?" Rory asks, knowing full well that they share the same lunch period.

"What are _you_ doing?" Jess throws Rory's words back at her, gesturing to her grip on his jacket. She smiles sheepishly and releases him, smoothing out the potential wrinkles in the fabric.

"What I mean is, you're not coming to lunch?"

"I, er, I forgot my lunch."

"Oh. Well, I bought a sub before coming to see you. We could split it, if you want."

Jess looks up at the sign hanging outside the library, indicating that there's to be no eating or drinking once you're inside. Rory follows his gaze and rolls her eyes. She slides down the wall until she's sitting on the floor, and then reaches up to yank on Jess' sleeve. He reluctantly follows suit. He places his book and gift between them as he sits down next to Rory.

"Here," she says, giving him one half of the sandwich along with a napkin. "It's a basic Italian sub. I hope that's okay."

Jess accepts the food and napkin. "I'm not too picky. Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Together, the pair eat in silence. Jess surprisingly finishes before Rory does. He must have been hungrier than he thought he was. Once they're both done, Jess takes their napkins and the plastic wrap the sandwich was in, and throws everything away in the trash can nearby. When he returns, he finds Rory flipping through the book he brought with him.

"You still write in the margins, I see," she comments without looking at him.

"Old habits die hard," Jess easily replies, stealing his book back from her grasp.

"Hey, I was reading that."

"You were reading my notes."

"Your point? I was still reading." Rory crosses her legs as she tries to read over Jess' shoulder. He purposely moves away from her, chuckling lightly when she huffs in annoyance. "You know, if you're going to hog the book, you could at least read aloud."

Jess almost instantly recalls his first real encounter with Rory at five years old. They sat shoulder to shoulder while he read _Bridge to_ _Terabithia_ out loud to her. He shakes the memory and opens the book in front of him - _Our Mutual Friend_ written by Charles Dickens. Jess locates where he last left off and begins to read.

"You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace..."

"This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing," Rory continues without losing momentum. Jess cuts off and stares at her, noticing how her eyes are closed as she recites the passage from memory, "is what I mean -"

"By your being the ruin of me," Jess finishes, still staring down at her.

* * *

As promised, Luke made sure that Liz was gone when Jess returned from school. Yet, when Jess comes back to see his mother gone, an unwelcome feeling of guilt hits him square in the gut. He continues on nonetheless, past the unpleasant thoughts, and moves into the kitchen area. He drops his backpack onto the floor next to him and takes a seat, loosening his tie.

He takes a look around the apartment while Luke is still downstairs in the diner, remembering how, for weeks, his mother filled the empty spaces with her presence. He should be ecstatic that she's gone, that Luke kept his word. Jess should feel victorious somehow, but he doesn't feel like he won at all. He feels a bit like he lost, like he could use someone to lean on and share this loss with. A friend. Jess perks up at the thought, recalling his present from Rory.

He bends at the waist and rummages through his bag, gripping the gift in his hands. He sits back up and sets the bulky package down on the table. Jess pulls at the paper until he gets to what's waiting for him. A dark blue book stares up at him, the front decorated with a faint checker pattern. Jess turns the cover to reveal photos of when he and Rory were kids, with descriptions of each image underneath the picture itself. He continues to look through the book, seeing more and more photographs of him and Rory.

Jess smiles a little to himself, the mental gray cloud hanging above him parting to make room for light. Rory made him a scrapbook. It's admittedly cheesy as hell and if it came from anyone else, Jess would probably hate it and call it as such. But it came from Rory, so he lets it go with ease.

* * *

The combination of Rory's gift and the nagging feeling of needing a friend bugs Jess for the rest of the night. The next morning, he wakes up earlier than usual and gets ready for school. Except, when he leaves the diner, he doesn't go straight to the bus stop. He walks the familiar path to the Gilmore's home. When Jess gets there, he nervously knocks on the front door. Conveniently, Rory is the one to answer the door, already wearing her uniform.

"Hey... Can you talk?"

Rory slowly nods and steps outside, closing the door behind her. She walks up to the railing that winds around the house, hesitantly turning to look at Jess.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"The gift."

"Oh. If you didn't like it or you don't want it, I can take it back."

"No, that's not it. I - I do like it and I do want it."

Jess moves closer to Rory until they're both standing at the banister.

"Then, what is it?"

"I... I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize," Rory echoes as though she's testing how the word sounds.

"Since I got back to town, I haven't always been the nicest towards you. I've said and done some things that have probably hurt you, but that - that was never my true intention."

Jess inhales a shaky breath, looking down at his hands gripping the railing. He's apologized more in the last two days than he has in two years. He's not used to all of the emotions that come with the action.

"I was angry and hurt, and... lost when I came back. I still am most of those things, but that's no excuse. The scrapbook of us has put some things into perspective and I know I don't deserve it, but do you... Do you think we could try to be friends again?"

"That's what you want?"

"Is that what you want?"

Rory takes a page out of Jess' book and answers with a question of her own. "Do you remember our art project? When you said that all your happy memories are with me."

"I remember."

Rory is half-tempted to reach around the column that separates them and take Jess' hand into hers, but she doesn't want to breach his personal boundaries. "All of my happy memories are with you, too. Well, and my mom - but mostly with you."

"I won't tell her if you won't."

Rory rolls her eyes and playfully shoves at his shoulder. Jess hardly even budges with the force, laughing at her lame attempt.

"I miss you... all the time," Rory timidly admits when their laughter dies down. "And it's like - It's like, at this point, it doesn't even matter why we stopped being friends in the first place. I just know that I - I need you in my life. It just, it doesn't seem to work right without you."

"So, that's a yes to being friends again?"

Rory nods gleefully and decides to throw caution to the wind, placing her palm over the back of Jess' hand. His knuckles are rough under her hand, as though he's been in a number of fights. Jess wants to bring up the letter, the one that made him cut ties with everything Stars Hollow, so that they can really start anew, but he doesn't. He doesn't want to ruin one of the few good moments he's had in the past two weeks.

Rory gives his hand a tug and tucks her arms under his, resting her hands on his shoulder blades. Jess tentatively hooks his arms over her shoulders and returns the hug.

"Missed you," Rory murmurs into his upper arm, teasingly tacking on a, "Pal."

Jess grins, subconsciously rubbing the pad of his thumb into the fabric of her sweater vest. "Yeah. Missed you, too... Buddy."

**"...but sometimes they come back."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you for all the comments and kudos so far! I'm really glad you're all invested in this fic and I love that you're already asking questions, and making theories. However, I will remind you that we are not even halfway through and some inquisitions you might have now will most likely be answered soon. I ask that you please be patient as we continue this journey together. Thank you again. <3


	11. fire with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tempers flare at the Stars Hollow High School bonfire.

**"Be careful because butterflies can be wasps.**   
**When your stomach flutters and your hand shakes**   
**and your cheeks flush..."**

Small flakes of snow begin to fall beyond the atrium's glass walls. The snowfall is constant enough that it's nice to look at, but the snow melts as soon as it touches the ground. Jess glances upward to see light gray clouds coming in, the sky painted a faint blue color. Normally, the ceiling is left open so that students can enjoy the weather without any obstacles, but come wintertime, maintenance makes sure that the roof is in place.

"Hey."

Jess looks to his right to see Rory hovering in the doorway, her hands planted on each side of the frame. The busy halls of Chilton can be seen behind her. Jess pulls the strap of his bag across his shoulder and stands, meeting her underneath the entry. She steps back to let him inside the school.

"How long were you out there for? It's freezing."

"Aw, she's worried about me," Jess coos teasingly, reaching out to gently nip Rory's chin. She scrunches her nose in protest and evades him. He smirks, putting his hand back in the pocket of his trousers. "The ceiling was closed in November, so it's not like I was sitting in the snow."

"Still. The glass only does so much to protect you from the weather. There's rarely ever anyone out there when the season changes to winter."

Jess merely lifts a shoulder in response. "I don't mind the cold."

Rory scrutinizes him, making sure he's telling the truth and that he's not somehow suffering from frostbite or worse. When she finds nothing out of the ordinary, she reaches down to wrap her hand around his forearm, dragging him in the direction of their lockers. Jess allows a grin to slip past his usual impassive expression, knowing that Rory can't see him. Through all the bumps and detours, it's like their friendship hasn't missed a beat. They're still Jess and Rory, Rory and Jess.

When they reach Rory's locker, she releases him.

"So, my old school is hosting a bonfire tonight," Rory starts while emptying her bag of contents she doesn't need until later. "Apparently, they're celebrating the football team's first winning season in years."

"And?"

" _And,_ I bring that up to tell you that I'm going, and to ask if you'd like to join me."

"Do I look like someone who often attends school functions? Let alone for a school I don't go to."

"No, not exactly." Rory frowns slightly. "But it could be fun."

"Yeah, and Hell could freeze over."

"Don't be crass."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jess matches her blow for blow. Rory stops what she's doing and tilts her head, staring directly at him with these doe eyes. He works his jaw once, sighing. "I'll think about it."

Rory rolls her eyes - a nasty habit she's picked up from Jess as of late - and breaks out into a wide smile. "You're coming. It's time to join the rest of the world, Jess."

* * *

Rory fidgets in her seat, trying her hardest to focus solely on her homework. Dean lays on her bed, tossing an old stuffed animal up into the air before catching it, while he waits. He's been performing the repetitive action ever since he arrived at the Gilmore's home about an hour ago, incidentally distracting Rory with both the noise and movement in her peripheral.

"Are you almost done?"

"Almost."

"Good." Dean finally puts the stuffed animal to the side and sits up against the headboard. "Do you have any other plans tonight? I was thinking that we could get dinner after your homework is finished."

"We could, except I'm supposed to go to Luke's with my mom. You could come with us, though. I'm sure she won't mind."

"Okay, but what about afterwards? We haven't spent time together, one-on-one, in a while."

"Can't. I told Lane that I would go to the bonfire with her and Jess is tagging along with us, so..."

"Jess? You two are friendly again?" Rory nods. Dean adjusts his position so that he's at the foot of Rory's bed, closer to where she's sitting at her desk. "I don't get a good feeling from him, Rory. He's hurt you before and he could do it again."

"You just... You don't know him, is all. If you actually sat down and had a conversation with him, you'd see that he's a good person."

"I'd just feel better if you were with me, instead of him, tonight."

After some consideration, Rory suggests, "Well, you could come with us to the bonfire. This way, you would get to meet Jess properly and we'd be able to spend time together."

Despite being hesitant at first, Dean ultimately agrees to attend the bonfire with Rory and company. Rory returns to her homework, relieved to have avoided an argument, while Dean settles back against the mattress - completely oblivious to her relief.

* * *

The walk from the diner to Stars Hollow High School doesn't take long at all, since the school is across the road from Luke's. Other students are filing onto school grounds as Rory spots Lane waiting on the front steps. The two greet each other with a hug that lasts longer than a standard hug would. When Rory pulls away, she politely introduces Jess to Lane. Once the introductions are taken care of, the four of them head towards the back of the school, where the bonfire is taking place.

Dean walks with Rory, his arm thrown possessively over her shoulders, while Lane walks on Rory's other side. Jess hangs back a little by his own choice, observing the couple in front of him. A part of him wants to bail now and just go back to the diner. His absence will put Dean at ease, he's sure, and it'll make things easier for Rory tonight. Another part of Jess wants to stay as Rory's friend, in case something happens. Jess weighs his choices and decides to meet somewhere in the middle.

* * *

When it's almost eleven o'clock and he's endured about as much small talk as he can, Jess takes his leave. He and Lane share an awkward handshake, and she tells him that she'll see him around town. Jess agrees before making his way toward Dean and Rory. Lane isn't terrible company. She has good taste in music and she can hold a conversation. Jess wouldn't be opposed to seeing her around Stars Hollow.

"Hey," Jess says when he reaches Rory a little ways from the bonfire, "I'm going to head out."

"Already? It's barely eleven o'clock."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"But I was hoping -"

"Let him go, Rory." Jess snaps his attention to Dean, who stares condescendingly at him. "All he's good for is leaving, anyway."

"Excuse me?"

Dean shrugs nonchalantly, silently daring Jess to meet his challenge. "What's the matter, Jess? Did I strike a nerve?"

"Dean," Rory mutters next to him, pulling on the sleeve of his sweatshirt in an attempt to get him to stand down. Dean simply shakes her off and takes a step closer to Jess.

"Well? Did I?"

"I'm not going to fight you, man."

"Afraid you'll lose?"

"Dean, that's enough!" Rory shrieks. She moves so that she's standing in front of her boyfriend and begins to push at his chest. Her shoes dig into the grass, but Dean doesn't move. Rory huffs and pushes back a couple strands of hair that fell out of her loose braid. She turns around, giving Dean her back. "Jess, just... just go. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Yeah, Jess. Go," Dean continues to badger him. "Better yet, go back to New York. Everyone here was better off without you."

Jess' blood boils over and before anyone can blink, his arm shoots out and his fist collides with Dean's jaw. Dean's head angles back at the force while Rory stands there in complete shock. A moment of stillness passes between the three of them until Dean pounces. He comes at Jess, fists flying, and Jess has no other choice but to defend himself. Jess gets a handful of hits in, but Dean uses his size to his advantage, pushing Jess into the cold ground.

"Dean, get off him!" Rory yells in the background.

A crowd forms around them, cheering Dean and Jess on. Fed up with the situation, Rory storms away from the ring of students and towards the brawl. She grips Dean's sweatshirt and pulls on the back, trying to end the fight herself. In the heat of the moment, and without knowing who it is, Dean pushes at whoever has a hold of him. Rory lands on her backside, a few feet away. The throng of people collectively gasp, causing Dean to pause. Jess takes the opportunity to shove the bottom of his shoes into Dean's stomach, propelling Dean off him. Jess slowly stands, wiping at his mouth, his hand coming back covered in blood.

Dean walks over to Rory and bends to check on her. She cowers away from his touch while Lane hurries toward the scene, examining Rory for any major injuries. Dean extends a hand toward his girlfriend, but she blatantly ignores him.

"Rory, come on. I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry," Dean insists, but his apology falls on deaf ears.

Across the way, Jess' eyes connect with Rory's. Her braid is almost completely undone, and her jeans are stained due to the wet grass and dirt. Rory looks more or less displeased with him and truthfully, Jess isn't all that happy with himself, either. He said he wasn't going to fight Dean and yet, here he is - frozen in place among the horde of onlookers, covered in grime and his own blood.

Lane helps Rory stand, effectively breaking her staring match with Jess. Lane wraps an arm around Rory as the two forcibly part the sea of people, putting more and more distance between them, and the scene of the crime. Realizing that the fight is officially over, the students and citizens of Stars Hollow disperse, leaving Jess and Dean standing there by themselves.

* * *

Rory exits the bathroom, donning her fluffy purple robe and a towel atop her head. Lorelai is waiting for her when she opens the door, an expectant look on her face. Knowing that she can't avoid her mother forever, Rory leans against the doorjamb, waiting for her mom to make the first move. Lorelai steps forward and presses her back against the frame, opposite Rory.

"You want to tell me what happened tonight?"

"Not really."

"Oooh, sorry. That's not the answer we were looking for," Lorelai puts on her best game show host impression. She holds her closed fist near her chin, acting as though she's speaking into an actual microphone. "The correct answer is, _Yes, mom. I would love to tell you what happened tonight._ "

"Would you like me to leave you two alone? Give you some privacy?" Rory jokingly asks, referring to her mother and her mother's alter ego, who is apparently a game show host.

"Actually, I think she just left the building."

"That was quick."

"I know, right? I'd be a little offended if I weren't so wonderful."

Rory scoffs amusedly. Lorelai kinks a brow, which tells Rory she's not quite off the hook just yet. "There was a fight at the bonfire," she admits.

"Bonfires do tend to make emotions run high."

"Really?"

"I don't know. I made it up. But wouldn't it be cool if I were right?"

"Anyway," Rory drawls, laughing a little at Lorelai's antics. She secretly appreciates her mother's effort to keep the mood light and breezy, "There was a fight... between Dean and Jess."

"You had two guys fight over you? Wow -"

"Do _not_ break into song right now."

"You don't even know what song I was going to sing."

"No?" Rory challenges. "You weren't going to sing 'Wind Beneath My Wings' just now?"

Lorelai pauses. " _Okay,_ so you knew which song, but I bet you don't know the specific line."

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?" Rory sings off-key, in time with Lorelai. She shoots her mom a knowing look, crossing her arms.

"Are we in some _Freaky Friday_ situation right now? Did we switch places somehow?"

"Mom," Rory scolds. "Firstly, I don't think that's how it would work. Secondly, you wanted me to tell you about the bonfire and now here I am, trying to tell you about the bonfire and you want to talk about _Freaky Friday._ "

"Yes, well. It's an excellent film, Rory."

Rory purposely ignores Lorelai's attempt in starting yet another off-topic conversation and gives her mom a rundown on what happened tonight.

* * *

When Jess enters the apartment shortly after 11:15 PM, he barely has time to defend himself before he catches hell from Luke. His uncle practically tears him a new one for fighting previous to tossing the first aid kit his way. Jess approaches the mirror hanging over his dresser and opens up the case filled with medical supplies. He surveys the damage, releasing a deep sigh. He has a split lip, dried blood beneath his nose, and his right eye is already starting to swell. With a clenched jaw, Jess gets to work on piecing himself back together. Luckily, he excels in this department.

**"...sometimes it's not love. It's pain."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter while running on fumes so I'm sorry if there's any major errors. I'll go back later and fix any that I come across. Thank you for reading!


	12. black eyes and broken hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face from Jess' past makes an unexpected appearance. The Sadie Hawkins Dance is approaching, where the girls ask the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update - it's the beginning of February. Valentine's Day and the dance is soon.
> 
> Kind of a short chapter, my apologies!

**"I try not to live in the past..."**

Jess saunters into the classroom along with his peers, cringing at the bright lights. He expels a loud breath as he reaches his assigned seat. He places his backpack atop the surface and collapses against the chair, burying his face into the material of his bag. The first warning bell rings just as more footsteps sound throughout the room. Jess picks his head up and leans back, running a hand through his messy hair. He overslept this morning, leaving him no time to gel the strands.

"I think you missed a spot when applying your makeup this morning."

Jess glances to the side, spotting Paris a row over. She laughs under her breath while she takes out a notebook and pen. He scoffs, sinking lower in his seat with his arms crossed. With his banged up face and his hard stare, Jess appears murderous.

"You're hilarious."

Paris simply shrugs as if to say, _I thought it was funny._ Once she finishes preparing for the start of class, she slides into her own chair. "So, who's the perpetrator?"

"Dean."

"Rory's boyfriend?"

Jess nods unenthusiastically. "I hate to say it, but he can throw a punch when he really wants to."

"But... He's always so calm when I see him. You must have said something to set him off, at least."

"I'll have you know, he's the one who started it."

"What are we, five? He started it," Paris whines immaturely. She rolls her eyes at Jess, obviously displeased with the childish behavior. "Weren't you the one who said fighting doesn't solve anything?"

"It doesn't," Jess gruffly reiterates. "And I stand by that statement. I just... I lost my temper, I guess."

"Men," Paris mutters, turning away from Jess. He copies her actions and faces the front of the room with the assumption that their conversation is over. Rory chooses that same moment to enter the classroom, taking her respective seat between Paris and Jess. He doesn't expect a warm welcome, what with everything that occurred last night, yet she takes him by surprise and smiles at him.

Jess turns in his chair, toward Rory, and bends forward with his hands clasped. "You're not mad?"

Rory presses against the arm of her desk and minimizes the distance between them. She rests her chin in her open palm, mulling over Jess' question and the best way to answer it. "I'm not... happy about what happened. I mean, on one hand, Dean shouldn't have pushed you like that, but on the other, you shouldn't have taken the bait."

"Yeah," Jess agrees guiltily. He picks at the skin of his neckline in a restless manner. "I'll give you that one."

"The way I see it, I can't fault you more than I can Dean, and I can't fault Dean more than I can you. It wouldn't be fair to anyone involved."

"I get it. But we're... We're good?"

Rory's somber expression softens. "Yes, we're still good. Someone has to keep you in check, right?"

"If you want out, I'm sure Paris would be up for the job."

"Not likely," Paris chimes in.

Rory laughs and even Jess manages a small smirk. He had that one coming. When the sounds of their laughter fade, Rory examines Jess' injuries more closely in the daylight, frowning at the dark blend of purple and blue. She cautiously lifts her hand to the side of Jess' face, brushing the pads of her index and middle fingers over the swelling beneath his right eye. He sucks in a sharp breath when she hits a tender patch of skin. Rory immediately retracts her touch, apologizing profusely.

"Was Luke angry?"

"Initially, but once he let me get a word in, I explained what happened, what Dean said... He started to come around, then." Rory's brow kinks upward. It's the tiniest movement and if Jess weren't sitting so close to her, he wouldn't have seen it. "He knows my past is a sensitive topic."

The second bell rings overhead, leaving no room for Jess to elaborate as their history teacher, Mr. Rollins, walks in. The two adjust their positions while Mr. Rollins performs roll call.

Rory leans to the right, whispering to Jess, "I shouldn't have left like that."

"I understand why you did."

"You were hurt because of my boyfriend," Rory proceeds to criticize her part in the situation. "I should have stayed and helped you."

"Rory, it's fine. I don't blame you. For any of it."

Jess steals a quick glimpse at her, trying to make her see that he's being sincere. She nods to show that she hears him. Mr. Rollins calls her name and she raises her hand, grinning at Jess as she does. Their teacher continues to take attendance and when he's finished, he jumps right into today's lesson. About a quarter of the way through class, the door opens to reveal a new face. Almost immediately, whispers of gossip start up at the sight of the new girl.

"Class, it seems that we have a new student. This is Antonia Moran."

"I prefer Toni, though, if you don't mind."

"Well, _Toni,_ you may have a seat..." he pauses to scan the room, "behind Mr. Mariano. Jess, please raise your hand so that Miss Moran can find you."

Begrudgingly, Jess does as he's instructed. Toni's whole demeanor changes when she spots him in the middle row. She takes her time in strutting down the aisle, shooting Jess a coy smile in passing. The dumbfounded look Jess is wearing registers with Rory, and she crosses the walkway with the top half of her figure for the second time that morning.

"Do you know her or something?" she questions.

"Kind of," Jess mumbles in response, keeping his eyes forward.

"Okay... In Jess language - which I happen to be fluent in, by the way - that means yes, you do know her. So, who is she? Friend? Ex-friend? Long lost cousin?"

"I was his girlfriend," Toni interjects.

"If you had to put a label on it," Jess hastily amends.

Rory stutters, clearly taken aback by the answer. She decides not to dig any further and returns her attention back to the lesson, keeping her head low for the rest of the period while Jess does the same.

* * *

After class ended, Jess had every intention of going about his day. Toni, however, has other ideas. Once he's a few feet out from the doorway, she yanks him to her by the lapels of his blazer. Rory watches the sequence play out in front of her, waiting for Jess to give her the _okay_ or for him to tell her to stay.

Jess scowls down at Toni previous to nodding at Rory, signaling for her to go without him. Rory reluctantly walks away and leaves Jess to deal with their new classmate. As soon as Rory is out of sight, he focuses on the devious individual before him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he demands, careful not to draw even more focus to them.

"We moved. Again."

"No, I mean, what are you doing at Chilton?"

"My father has friends in high places and it doesn't hurt that we're loaded." Toni shrugs, unashamed.

"Of course. You certainly couldn't have gotten into this school with your grades or spotty attendance record."

"Still have that quick wit to you." She trails her fingers from Jess' stomach up to his chest. When she tries to wrap her arm around his neck, he steps out of her grasp.

"Don't."

"Why? Are you and that girl dating?"

"Her name is Rory and no. We're just friends."

Toni hums in amusement. "We were just friends, too, once upon a time."

"Toni," Jess warns.

She rolls her eyes, leaning into the wall with her books clutched to her chest. "Lighten up. You're so uptight."

"I'm _uptight_ because I never thought I'd see you again. You've been here all of an hour and you're already messing with my head."

"Yeah, I don't think that's it." Toni ponders on it for a moment, studying Jess from top to bottom. "How long has it been since you've gotten laid?"

"That's not my issue here."

"I could help you with that, you know."

"Pass."

"If memory serves, we used to work well together. Or, do you need a reminder?" Jess clenches his jaw tightly while Toni snickers at his reaction. She looks over his shoulder, searching the bulletin board across the way. "It looks like the Sadie Hawkins Dance is coming up. We could go together."

" _Hard_ pass," Jess emphasizes.

She reaches out to flirtatiously fiddle with the bottom of Jess' tie, looking at him from beneath her lashes. Her brown eyes glint with mischief. "Fine... But you know what they say, don't you? It's not about who you go to the dance with. It's about who you leave with."

* * *

By lunch hour, Jess has successfully avoided Toni as much as possible. He plops down on the bench on the other side of Rory with the lunch Luke made for him. Rory finishes chewing her bite of food, noticing how shifty Jess seems.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just, I don't love the idea of seeing Toni again."

"Because she's your ex?"

Jess absentmindedly picks at the crust on his sandwich. "Nothing good can come from being around her. Let's just leave it at that."

Despite not understanding Jess' reasoning in full, Rory warily nods and returns to her lunch. Jess takes a few bites from his sandwich, but his appetite is practically nonexistent. He's too troubled by Toni's sudden presence. He wishes his logic was as simple as Rory thinks it is. It's not because Toni is his ex or because he still carries a torch for her. They had a fling shortly before Jess left New York, but he was never in love with her.

His current inner turmoil can be traced back to what happened during their dalliance. Under her influence, he was introduced to sex, he experimented with party drugs, and drank more than he probably should have for a fifteen year old. He quickly fell into habits similar to his mother's. The lifestyle didn't have a vice grip around his neck like it does with his mom, but everything he was doing, how he started to act... It was enough to scare Jess and break up with Toni.

Granted, Jess is in a better place now and has seen more of his mother's true self when it comes to drugs and alcohol, so he's not likely to repeat his past mistakes. However, being around Toni again could be dangerous. To Jess, she represents everything reckless with her devil-may-care attitude, and while he puts on a good front, he's admittedly a little worried. The easy thing would be to steer clear of Toni, but then again, nothing ever does come easy for Jess.

**"...but sometimes the past lives in me."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to picture Toni as I see her, I imagine her as Zoë Love Smith.


	13. staking claim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the help of Toni, Rory tries to convince Jess to attend the dance. The night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance brings ramifications.

**"Love, love, love."**

Jess watches in aversion as yet another dance proposal unfolds before his eyes. Nearly everyone in the cafeteria falls silent, waiting for the guy's response. He gleefully accepts the girl's invitation to attend the Sadie Hawkins Dance together and wraps her up in his arms. Jess subtly rolls his eyes while he moves further into the lunchroom. He finds Rory at their usual table and slides into the seat across from her.

"Why so gloomy?" she questions once she glances up from her book, noticing Jess' sour mood.

"I'm not gloomy."

"Huh. I must have mistaken you for someone else, then."

Jess gives Rory a look of caution. She laughs, throwing a piece of her crust at him. Fortunately for him, he can be quick on his feet. Jess adjusts his position and catches the bread in his mouth.

"I'm just not a huge fan of all the elaborate proposals that come with big dances like this one," Jess explains after he's done chewing.

"Says the guy who's not even going to the dance."

"It's a high school dance, Rory. What will I be missing? People will hook up - some with people they didn't initially go to the dance with - punch will be spiked with alcohol, and they'll play shoddy music."

"But you'd be with your best friend," Rory drags out the last word in a high-pitched tone.

"I'd _be_ the third wheel to my friend and her boyfriend."

Rory's shoulders deflate in surrender. He has a good point, and it's not as though it went smoothly last time. Jess' injuries are almost completely healed. She would hate to get him and Dean alone together again, and have a repeat of the bonfire.

"Well, what if you had a date?"

"Date to what?" Toni interrupts, filling the opening next to Jess.

He and Rory share a look, both falling quiet at the new face at their table. Paris typically spends her lunch period performing TA duties, so it's normally just the two of them.

"Um... Hi, Toni," Rory amiably greets while simultaneously ignoring her question.

"Hey." Toni turns in her seat to stare pointedly at Jess. "Date to what?"

"The Sadie Hawkins Dance. Rory's trying to get me to go."

"You _should_ go," Rory cuts in, "because your friend asked you nicely."

"I'm with the lady on this one, Jess. You should go. Make memories, live a little. Hell, I'll be your date if having one is that important to you."

At Toni's offer, Rory glances up from her lunch, waiting to see what Jess says or does. He pushes his tray away and leans against his hand, elbow on the edge of the table.

"Pass," he finally mutters.

"Oh, come on, grumpy. You now have two people who want you there."

Toni sidles up to Jess, closer than she was before. Rory's gaze narrows at the sliver of space left between them. When the light disappears due to Toni's close proximity, Rory glimpses at Jess. She refocuses on the task at hand and shrugs, ultimately leaving the choice up to Jess.

With time, he relents and agrees to go, but not as Toni's date. Even if he doesn't love the idea of going to a non-mandatory school function, it makes Rory happy. He'll make sure to keep his distance from Dean and he can bail anytime he wants to. Plus, he has until Friday to get used to the idea.

* * *

"What do you think?"

Jess can see Rory twirling, showing off her dress, in his peripheral vision. He tears himself away from his book long enough to look at her. She's wearing a purple mermaid dress with ruffles near the legs, and sequins along the top. Jess cringes and shakes his head. Lorelai copies his movements, wordlessly agreeing with him. Rory groans and spins around to head back inside the dressing room, pulling the curtain shut behind her. Lorelai rifles through the rest of the dresses she and Rory picked out, and hands her daughter the next dress.

Jess' attire is already taken care of, courtesy of Luke. At first, when Jess told Luke that he was going to the dance, Luke thought he was joking. Following his fit of laughter, Luke was kind enough to give Jess an old suit of his to borrow. They have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to get it tailored to Jess' size.

"All right. I have a good feeling about this one." Rory dramatically pushes the curtain to the side and steps out, posing for her audience of two. She chuckles to herself and walks further outside. She does another twirl or two, holding the hem of her dress in her grasp. "So... What's the verdict?"

Rory's wearing a sheer navy blue dress that reaches all the way to the floor. The straps start at the chest and move off to the sides, crisscrossing at the back. Lorelai squeals excitedly and checks to see how the dress fits Rory. Jess forgets about his book, temporarily stunned. The color revives memories, specifically the memory of Rory wearing that floral dress during their first real exchange. It was much too big for her, but she managed to pull it off - kind of like she is now, without any adjusting or sewing.

"Jess? What do you think?"

Lorelai circles Rory, pinching the material in certain places as she figures out where she'll have to fix the dress so that it fits Rory by the night of the dance. She rummages through her purse for a pen and pad, jotting down some notes.

"It's... nice. The color reminds me of that dress you wore on the day we read _Bridge to Terabithia_ together."

Rory tilts her head to the side, a fond smile curving on her lips. "I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember all of it."

* * *

"Would you like your picture taken?"

Jess looks over to Rory, giving her the green light to make the decision for the both of them. She ponders on it for a minute before nodding. Rory and Jess gather a few feet away from the photographer and his camera stand. Jess hesitantly places an arm over her shoulders as he musters up a closemouthed smile, the flash of the camera blinding him for a second. He blinks several times, bright colors and foreign shapes gleaming behind his eyelids as he and Rory enter the dance.

The music grows increasingly louder with each step they take. In a rare moment, Jess offers his arm to Rory and after a beat, she links arms with him. Rory beams from ear to ear while she takes in the decorations that the Dance Committee set up in the gymnasium. This year's theme is Wishing Upon a Star, and so the decor is silver and blue, and shiny.

"So, what's your plan for tonight?"

Jess looks down at his watch. "Well, I have some sulking planned for 8:00 and then after that, some brooding."

"Those are the same thing."

"Guilty as charged."

Rory laughs gently and moves to stand in front of him, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Please try to have fun tonight. Eat a couple pigs in a blanket, drink some punch. _Dance._ "

"I'm dancing on the inside."

"Jess."

"I'll try." Over Rory's shoulder, he can see Dean walk into the room, looking a little lost. Jess motions to him and Rory follows his line of sight, waving at her boyfriend. She turns back to Jess, silently asking for permission to leave him. "Go. I'll be fine."

"Remember, have fun!" Rory shouts while making her way through the crowd.

"How could I forget with you reminding me every five minutes?"

Rory gives him another encouraging grin previous to finding Dean. Jess watches her go, hands in his pockets. He takes a look around, seeing multiple couples on the dance floor and very little people sitting down. Jess sighs, opting to start with the food and beverages table first.

* * *

Jess reclines in the rather uncomfortable folding chair while "I Knew I Loved You" by Savage Garden plays over the speakers. He takes a long pull from his drink, almost wishing he brought a flask with him. Suddenly, Toni unceremoniously drops herself in his lap. She hooks an arm around his neck, a sly smirk painted amongst her red lips.

"Having fun?" Jess asks in a dispirited tone.

"I think I should be the one to ask you that."

"Please, I'm having the time of my life."

Toni scoffs, resting one hand on his chest. She runs the tip of her freshly done nails across the base of his neck, teasing him. "Why don't we sneak away and steal a private moment together?"

"Toni..." Jess exhales softly, glancing downward at the fabric of her sleek silver dress. "What we had in New York was... I mean, it was. That being said, it's probably not a good idea for us to pick up where we left off."

"I know why you broke things off and I get it. If it were me, I probably would have done the same, but things are different now. You've changed, I've changed. What are you so afraid of?"

"Look, outside of all our partying and bad decisions, I'll never forget what you did for me... How you and your family were there for me when my mom wasn't." Toni's bashfulness starts to wane as she really listens to Jess. "But I need this. I need Chilton, I need routine. I need the job I have at my uncle's diner. I need..."

"Rory?"

The two glimpse at the dance floor, spotting the girl in question and her boyfriend slow dancing to the current song that's playing.

"Her friendship," Jess corrects. "I went so long without it and it - it hurt like hell. If you and I started things up again, and I relapsed back into old habits... I could lose what I currently have."

"What if I said that it doesn't have to be like how it was before? No partying, no drinking or soft drugs. Just two friends participating in pure teenage fun."

The corner of Jess' mouth lifts in a slight grin. "You mean sex."

"Sex _is_ fun, Jess."

He meets her troublesome stare. "No extracurriculars. Just fun."

"No extracurriculars," Toni promises.

* * *

Dean opens the passenger side door and helps Rory down from his truck. She wraps the shawl that her mother let her borrow, tighter around her arms as Dean walks her to the front door. The couple stand underneath the porch light, preparing to say goodnight.

"Before you go inside, I want to give you something."

Dean opens the flap of his jacket and extracts a small box from his pocket. It has a blue ribbon wrapped around the surface, tied neatly in a bow. Rory accepts the unexpected gift and unties the binding. Inside is a bracelet made of what seems to be leather, with a charm attached.

"What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. I made it for you, and I'd just like if you wore it as a symbol of our relationship. Is that okay?"

Rory holds her present up in the light and examines it closely. "Everyone in Stars Hollow knows we're together. I don't need a bracelet for that."

"But anyone outside of this town doesn't know you're mine."

"Yours?" she questions.

Dean plucks the bracelet from her grasp and starts to tie it around her wrist. "I mean, my girlfriend."

Rory nods, letting him knot the strings together. She studies the bracelet while she tries to gauge how it looks on her. Dean claims it's supposed to be worn as a symbol of their relationship, but after what he just said, calling her _his,_ like she's property, Rory can't help but look at the piece of jewelry with reservation.

**"What is it good for?"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, if you see this, thank you for reading this far. Secondly, updates will be a little more sporadic from here on out. The reasoning for this is because I recently got a puppy! My very first puppy. She's ten weeks and requires a lot of time and attention. I will do my best to post new chapters whenever I have a chance. You can keep up with me on instagram (main: jessmariancs / writing: literctidiaries) or twitter (juiictohara) for possible updates as to where I'm at with my writing process. Thank you again!


	14. a hard rain's gonna fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm hits Stars Hollow as Jess and Rory prepare to say goodbye to a piece of their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading (I know the wait was a bit lengthy), thank you for being patient. This one and the next are kind of short chapters, but in my defense, they were originally supposed to go together until I decided it was too long as one. I am updating back to back to hopefully make up for my absence, though!
> 
> Hope you enjoy. If you have any thoughts or predictions, as always, feel free to leave them in the comment section!
> 
> Timeline update - it's the end of March.

**"Some memories never leave your bones."**

"Thanks," Jess mumbles while he slips past Rory, who is currently holding the side door open for him. She nods in response, flattening her hand against the glass. He steps outdoors and turns to grab the handle from the outside, freeing Rory from her duties. In Jess' peripheral, a tiny sliver of sunlight peeking through the trees glints off a small piece of metal, catching his attention. He glances in the direction that the light came from, noticing how it leads to Rory. "Nice bracelet. Is it new?"

Next to him, Rory lands on the top step and glimpses down at the piece of jewelry in question. "Oh, um, yeah. It is. Dean recently gifted it to me."

"Special occasion?" Jess asks, tentatively stretching his arm toward her with his palm up. She picks up on the cue and holds out her wrist, allowing him to inspect the trinket up close.

"Nothing special. He said that he made it especially for me, so being the dutiful girlfriend I am, I decided to wear it."

"Homemade, huh? Things must be heating up between you two."

Rory rolls her eyes and playfully bumps Jess' side. He chuckles, lightly pushing her back.

"Would it kill you to tone down the sarcasm, just once in your life?"

"I don't know. I've never tried."

"Well, _try._ "

"And what if it does kill me? How would you feel, then?" Jess teases as they walk toward the bus stop. He jogs ahead of Rory, spinning around to face her. She struggles to conceal her growing smile, careful to watch for any obstacles that Jess might trip over while he walks backward. "Think how dull your life would be without me."

"I think I'd be just fine without you."

Jess holds both hands over his chest, feigning injury. "You wound me."

"Your ego will recover."

He grins coyly when Rory pulls at his upper arms, maneuvering him the way she wants to until he's standing beside her again. Jess laughs under his breath and kicks at some stray pebbles sticking out of the sidewalk's cracks. The pair walk in comfortable silence for the rest of the way. Rory settles on a nearby bench and characteristically takes out a book from her bag. Jess leans against the stop sign, itching for a cigarette, if only for something to do.

"So, do you and lover boy have any plans for the weekend?"

Rory looks up from her book to briefly glare at Jess. He shoots her another smile, this one close-mouthed with her favorite dimple making an appearance. She doesn't take his bait, but rather answers, "No. He and his family are driving to Chicago this afternoon, before the supposed rainstorm strikes this weekend."

"What's in Chicago?"

"More of his family," Rory replies plainly. Without looking back at Jess, she keeps the conversation going and asks, "Anyway, what about you? Any plans?"

"Homework and work. Toni might come by at some point."

"Toni?"

"Yeah, we've been seeing each other. You know that."

"Must be heating up between you two," Rory mocks, throwing Jess' previous words back in his face.

"You think you're  _ so  _ funny, don't you?" She simply shrugs and lifts her book, the material shielding the lower half of her features. Jess exhales, opting to just put his hands in his pockets. "I don't know... When she first showed up here, I'll admit, her presence threw me for a loop and I was probably a little more... cruel than I intended. But our current - er, arrangement isn't anything serious."

"Well, serious or not," Rory begins as the bus comes to a stop in front of them, "I hope you enjoy your weekend, even though we'll most likely see each other at Luke's and talk then."

Jess laughs and follows her up the steps. "Yeah, we most likely will."

* * *

"Well, I better head out before the rain starts."

Jess forces himself to stand, walking over to the nearest window. He peeks beyond the curtain and sees that the clouds are turning a dark shade of gray, and the skies aren't any brighter. He narrows his stare, looking down at the streets of Stars Hollow. The town square is practically empty, save for a few people exiting Doose's - stocking up in case the town loses power, Jess is guessing.

He drops the curtain, the fabric swishing back into place. "It looks pretty bleak out there. You want me to walk you to the bus, at least?"

"Afraid the wind might take me away?"

"A tiny thing like you?" Jess teasingly pinches her hip. Toni jerks at the sensation, shoving at his chest. He smirks and acts as though he's seriously thinking about it. "I think you'd put up a good fight."

Toni grins as she grips him gently by the nape of his neck, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll call when I'm home."

Jess nods and she releases him. She offers him one last smile prior to turning on her heel and leaving. Once his sort-of-girlfriend has disappeared from sight and he's left with an empty apartment, Jess slumps against the kitchen table. He could go downstairs and see if Luke needs help, but Jess finished his morning shift not long ago, and he's not all that convinced he wants to deal with people again so soon. With his homework done, Jess could read, but he's exhausted all of the books that he brought with him. Spotting the local town newspaper sitting in the middle of the table, he reaches forward and brings it closer to him, flipping randomly through the pages. In the midst of his skimming, one article catches his eye.

Jess' childhood house stares back at him, causing memories to flood back to the surface. Glossing over the various flashbacks, he continues to skim the page. The short article informs readers that the house is to be torn down this week due to abandonment. At news like this, Jess should be upset and in a way, he is, but it has nothing to do with the house. It's about the treehouse that stands mere feet away. He and Rory spent countless days and nights in that treehouse, and maybe it's silly or downright foolish - especially with the incoming storm - but he wants to go there. He wants to say a proper goodbye.

* * *

Rory sips at her coffee while watching the rain fall steadily outside. If an outsider came into town right now, they'd think Stars Hollow was a ghost town, with everyone safely in their own homes or waiting out the weather inside of Luke's. Behind the counter, Luke finishes leaving an angry voicemail and slams the phone back into its holder. Both Lorelai and Rory jump slightly at the loud noise as other customers turn in their seats to stare at Luke. He gathers himself and apologizes.

"Have you seen or spoken to Jess?" Luke inquires, looking directly at Rory.

"No, I haven't. I thought he'd be here."

"He left a couple minutes before the rain began, even though I specifically told him not to. I've tried calling him, but he's not picking up."

"Rory and I could go look for him," Lorelai tries.

"No, it's too dangerous with the wind and the rain. I'll just have to wait until it calms down out there."

"Did he say anything before he left?" Rory questions over the top of her mug.

"Not much. A bunch of gibberish, mostly. He said something about the newspaper and a house." Luke pauses. "Does that mean anything to you?"

Rory shakes her head and Lorelai copies her daughter's actions. Defeated, Luke thanks them and moves to clean up after a group of customers leave. A couple of chairs down, Rory sees an elderly man reading the newspaper.

"Excuse me, um, sir? Could I possibly borrow the paper for a second?" The man seems like he wants to tell her no, but to her surprise, he nods and slides the newspaper her way. Rory beams and tells him, "Thank you."

She hurries to open the paper, trying to take her time while rushing to find the source of Jess' uneasiness. When Lorelai spots a photograph of a house followed by a concise article, she covers her daughter's hands with hers, preventing Rory from turning the page.

"That's Jess' old house," Rory whispers.

"This piece says it's being torn down soon, claims it's been abandoned and the town needs the property space." Rory starts to connect what little dots she has and hastily closes the paper, handing it back to the man she borrowed it from. "You don't think he -"

"He has to be there. From what Luke said, it makes sense."

Lorelai recognizes the look in Rory's eyes. "You're... You're not actually thinking of going out in this storm? Rory, you'll be drenched within seconds and you'll come back with a cold."

"It's Jess," is all Rory offers. She quickly puts on her jacket and throws the hood over her hair. Lorelai watches her in exasperation. "I'm sorry, but I - I have to go. I have to find him. He's probably all alone and I... I just have to go."

Before Lorelai can react any further, Rory hops off her stool and jogs out of the diner. Just as her mother predicted, she's soaking wet only moments after stepping foot outside. For a fleeting instant, Rory contemplates running back inside, where it's dry and warm, but then she remembers her cause and pushes herself to keep going.

**"Like salt in the sea, they become part of you. And you carry them."**


	15. we mourn, we weep, we love again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Jess begin to open up to each other. Toni questions Rory about her friendship with Jess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've seen The Good Place, there's a Cheleanor easter egg in here somewhere.
> 
> Thanks again for being so patient with me!

**"His sharp edges somehow only make him softer.  
** **His broken heart only beats louder in the silence."**

Over the course of three short years, Jess' childhood house has become beaten down with vines starting to wind around the edges. His and Rory's old treehouse isn't that far behind. The wood has grown weak with the changing seasons and nobody around to take care of it, and it creaks a little now when he climbs the ladder that leads to the top. It also has this weird smell that takes a while to get used to once inside.

When he arrived, Jess saw some construction equipment nearby, making everything all the more real to him. The rain continues to pour outdoors as Jess sits inside the treehouse. It's a tad dark inside, making it difficult to see the carvings he made into the wood with Rory. In hindsight, he probably should have brought a flashlight with him.

Amid the sound of the rainfall, there's that small creaking noise, indicating someone climbing up the ladder. Jess' guard goes up as he readies himself to fight off a stranger. After a moment of silence, the door pushes upward and somebody's head peeks through the opening.

Jess drops his fists and squints, trying to make out who it is. "Rory?"

"Were you going to... punch me?"

"I didn't know it was you."

"That's a yes."

"Well, I didn't punch you."

Rory rolls her eyes and pushes her top half all the way through. "Permission to come inside?"

"Permission granted," Jess answers.

He grabs her outstretched hand and pulls. Together, they manage to get her inside. The treehouse shakes slightly with the new weight, making the two of them hold their breath. When it finally stops, Rory releases a relieved laugh and takes a seat next to Jess.

"You didn't bring a flashlight by chance, did you?"

"We don't need one with the moonlight."

"Do you see this?" Jess questions, waving his hand in front of what he believes to be Rory's face.

"See what?"

"Exactly."

Rory huffs into the darkness and stands, careful to keep her head low so as not to hit it on the roof. She blindly makes her way toward the lone window and rubs the sleeve of her jacket over it. Bit by bit, particles of dust and dirt begin to come off, and what little light there is outside streams into the treehouse.

"Huh," Jess mutters.

"Yeah," Rory remarks, turning around to look at him. " _Huh._ "

She comes back to sit beside him, cross-legged. In the quiet, with the only noise coming from the downpour taking place beyond the walls of their treehouse, they take a long look around the enclosed space. Rory sighs, fondly recalling all of the memories she and Jess made in here. She glances over at Jess and links her arm through his.

"Luke is worried. He said that he's been trying to reach you."

"I've gotten his messages. I didn't answer his calls because I knew that he'd try to make me come back to the diner."

"You could at least call him back, let him know you're all right."

"Yeah... In a minute. I just - I want to sit here."

"As opposed to what we're doing now?"

Jess half-grins and stretches his legs out. Rory smiles, resting her head against his arm.

"I guess I want to remember it all. Is that... Is that silly?"

"No," she murmurs against the fabric of his sweatshirt. She speaks so softly that it's hardly audible over the pounding rain. "It's not silly, but Jess... It's just a treehouse. I mean, the memories, the games we played, the secrets we shared, they'll live on with us."

"It wasn't _just_ a treehouse. Not to me. It was - it was ours. Kind of like a safe place, you know?"

Rory doesn't answer right away. The reality of their situation starts to sink in as she replies, "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

She detangles herself from Jess and reaches for his hand. He gives it to her willingly, allowing her to link their fingers. He doesn't elaborate any more than he already has and Rory doesn't make him. She remains silent, listening to the weather persist while their treehouse shelters them, just like any safe haven would.

* * *

Neither of them are certain of how much time has passed when they decide to head back. Jess and Rory all but sprint their way back to the diner, the rain never letting up. As soon as they enter the warmth of Luke's, Lorelai yanks Rory into a hug, disregarding her daughter's soaking hair and clothes. Luke, on the other hand, gives Jess a hard look before he throws his arm over his nephew's shoulders. Jess stiffens at the action, surprised, prior to gently tapping Luke on the back in return.

"Do you understand how concerned I was?" Luke utters.

"I know. I... I'm sorry."

Jess can feel Luke nod. After another beat, his uncle backs away, but keeps a firm grip on him. "With that being said, you are _so_ grounded."

"I kind of figured as much."

Luke pulls Jess in for another hug and Jess accepts it, still partially stunned at the affectionate gesture. Luke guides him further into the diner while Lorelai does the same with Rory. Other customers start to file out as Luke and Jess go on a quest for towels. Luke ends up finding some in the closet, draping one over Jess first.

In a rare moment, Jess finds himself emotionally vulnerable. Maybe it has to do with the treehouse and what it represented for him. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he's seeing how much Luke truly cares about him and his safety. The feeling scares Jess more than he can say, but for once, he doesn't try to run from it.

"Hey... Uncle Luke? I, uh, I never apologized about not saying goodbye. You know, not trying harder to stay in touch with you, to visit." Luke slowly ducks out of the room and closes the door, giving Jess his full attention. It makes Jess squirm, having all eyes on him, yet he forces himself to continue. "I should have and I know it's no excuse, but being away changed my perspective on - on everything. Things that mattered weren't as important anymore. But you... You were there for me and I owed it to you to try, and I'm sorry I didn't."

Luke remains still, attempting to process everything. He sighs, fiddling with the back of his baseball cap. "In retrospect, I should have tried, too, but when you and your mom left, it - it hurt. It hurt getting a call from my sister a week later, telling me she was in New York with my nephew, and I guess... I guess we all needed to stew in that hurt for a while."

Unsure of where to go from here, Jess doesn't respond. Luke pats him on the shoulder and offers him a reassuring expression, which tells Jess that wherever they're going next, it'll work out. Luke hands the towels to Jess and raises his chin toward the diner area. Jess takes the initiative and returns to where the Gilmores are. Lorelai is making a fresh pot of coffee while Rory clutches a cup in her palms, trying to warm up. Jess unfolds a towel from the pile and hands it to her.

"Thanks." Rory wraps the cloth tightly around her figure and revels in the comfort. Jess nods, taking the open seat next to her, hugging his own towel close to him. "Hey... Are you going to be okay?"

Jess thinks about her question, looking to tell her an honest answer. After a minute or two, he says, "Yeah, I will be. It's only a treehouse, right?"

Rory shakes her head. "I was wrong to say that. It meant something to you. It meant something to me, too. I think I was just trying to be strong for the both of us."

"We can always build another one, I guess."

"Yeah, right," she snorts. "Maybe in the distant, distant future."

Jess smirks as Rory takes a sip of her coffee. He leans forward, resting his elbow on the edge of the table. He goes back and recalls the memories they made in that treehouse, striving to find the common denominator. His skin crawls with goosebumps when he realizes what it is. The treehouse wasn't Jess' safe place. His safe place is Rory. Throughout all of those memories, the hardships they shared, her friendship was the one constant.

* * *

Call it karma or whatever, but somehow, Jess got sick from being out in the rain and Rory didn't. He thought about staying home, but with Chilton's coursework, he couldn't afford to take a day off. Jess knew that Rory or Toni would get him his work, but it's better to be present for the lessons. Jess groans and rests his head against the cool metal of his locker.

"Feeling any better?" Rory asks amusedly.

"Do I look like I'm feeling better?"

"Well, no."

Jess reluctantly moves away from his locker door to grab his necessary books. Once he has all he needs, he shuts the door as he and Rory wordlessly walk to class. She makes sure to keep a fair distance away, cautious of getting a cold herself.

"I feel like -" Jess cuts off, pausing in the middle of the hallway. He brings the crook of his elbow up and sneezes. When he opens his eyes, he sees a tissue hanging from Rory's fingers and Toni walking toward them. Jess takes the tissue with a puzzled expression, finding it odd that Rory somehow knew he was going to sneeze before he did.

"Still not feeling well?" Toni asks. Jess shakes his head, throwing out the used tissue in the nearest garbage can. She frowns, turning her attention to Rory. "Thanks for taking care of him in my absence."

"No problem." Rory glimpses between the two, wondering if it's truly awkward being in their presence together, or if she's imagining it. "Er, I should get going. I don't want to be late."

Toni surveys the situation and makes a split second decision. She excuses herself from Jess' side and takes off after Rory, yelling for her to wait. At her name being called, Rory stops in her tracks and spins around to see Toni jogging in her direction.

Toni takes a second to catch her breath and Rory patiently waits. "So, um, look... I know I came on pretty strong when I first got here, with Jess and everything, and back there... I noticed the whole... and you seemed a little... I just, I have to ask. Is there something there between you and Jess?"

"W-what?"

"I mean, I'm not looking to marry the guy or anything, but I don't want to step on anybody's toes, either."

Rory lets out a nervous laugh. "I have a boyfriend."

"So?"

"So... I have a boyfriend."

"Rory, you could have all the boys - and girls - in the world falling at your feet, but it doesn't mean a thing if it's not the right person."

"Jess and I have been friends since we were kids. I've seen him do some pretty questionable things. Believe me, there's nothing there."

Toni smiles and places a hand on Rory's shoulder in a friendly manner. "Okay, but if there ever is, just... just tell me."

While she doubts there will ever be anything more than platonic feelings there, Rory agrees. Toni will be waiting for a while, if that's the case.

**"And it would be easier to not love him."**


	16. through the looking glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the pressure of the SATs weighing down on them, Rory and Jess find a new safe place. Lorelai tries to help Rory with Dean, but only ends up making things worse for the couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're probably all tired of hearing it, but I am SO sorry that I haven't updated in over two months. I have no reason or excuse, just a lack of motivation, and you all deserve better than that. I apologize.
> 
> After this update, I want to try and finish writing the rest of the chapters I've planned out, so I can update on more of a regular schedule. Hopefully this strategy doesn't backfire on me.
> 
> If you're still with me, thank you for being patient. I hope this and what's to come will be worth the wait.

**"She used to believe that love should feel like a storm;  
** **passionate, raw, and raging."**

"A few more steps," Jess encourages as he guides Rory towards what will hopefully be known as their new safe place. In a town as small as Stars Hollow, it's almost ironic that he found this space by chance. At the edge of the bridge, Jess releases his delicate grasp and gives Rory the all-clear to open her eyes by saying in a low voice, "Okay, you can look."

Rory blinks a few times to readjust to the sunlight and takes a couple of tentative steps forward to peek at the water flowing steadily below the wooden planks. Softly, she makes a thoughtful noise in the back of her throat and retreats back to Jess' side.

"Why are we here?"

"Well, with the treehouse coming down, I thought we could find a new place to make ours."

"That's considerate of you. My idea was to just wait until our kids became best friends and then we'd build them a treehouse of their own." Jess scoffs good-naturedly while Rory smiles at him. She moves to sit down on the slightly rough boards, legs dangling above the creek. He mirrors her movements and takes the place to her right, inadvertently palming the pile of rocks nearby. Rory exhales, content, and continues, "This is so much better, though. It's quiet and secluded, but not so secluded that we feel far away from town. It's - It's perfect."

Jess' lips quirk at how excited she seems, picking up a pebble in his hand. Rory watches him, curious to see what he'll do next. When he merely weighs the stone and tosses it back and forth between his hands, she laughs lightly.

"Do you even know how to skip a rock?" Rory questions through the sounds of her laughter.

Jess knocks shoulders with her in response. "Don't laugh at me. I'm a city boy."

"You lived here for thirteen years before moving to the city."

"What's your excuse?"

Rory's jaw drops in offense and she shoves at his upper arm. Jess chuckles, accepting the blow to his left side. In an attempt to prove her wrong, he pulls his arm back and throws the pebble. It skips twice before sinking into the water. Rory tries to stifle another fit of laughter, but her efforts fall short, much to Jess' dismay.

"That was just sad," she comments once her hysteria fades.

"I told you, I'm a city boy."

"Let me show you how it's done, _city boy._ "

Without another word, Rory stands and gestures for Jess to do the same. He does, brows furrowed in confusion. She takes her place behind him and holds her hand out for a rock, which Jess gives her seconds later, placing the smooth stone into her awaiting hand. Rory guides his arm back and helps him throw it, instructing him to flick his wrist as he goes. To Jess' surprise, the stone skips five times - maybe six - prior to falling flat.

Jess looks over his shoulder, staring at Rory in amazement. This _is_ the same Rory that manages to suck at any and all sports, isn't it? He grins a little as her pale skin turns a light shade of pink.

"Hey... You're good at this."

Rory tries and fails to conceal her proud little smile. She brushes off Jess' compliment with a simple shrug and reaches around him for two more rocks, offering him one. He thanks her, trying to follow her previous instructions. They spend the next half hour or so, just skipping rocks. It's peaceful and fun, and when Rory extends her hand out to Jess, wordlessly asking for another stone, she beams at him. Jess shoots her his trademark close mouthed, crooked grin as they come to a silent agreement.

This bridge near the creek, shielded by trees from just about every angle, would be their new space to just… be. Rory’s stomach performs a somersault as Jess is the first to look away. She wants to thank him somehow, but something in his expression tells her that she doesn’t have to. He already knows how grateful she is for this, him, and everything in between.

* * *

Monday comes all too quickly and with it, the harsh reminder that the SATs are fast approaching.

Rory continues to gather her belongings, skimming her checklist of study materials. She and Jess agreed to study together at Luke's, which is where she should be now; if only she didn't accidentally take a two hour nap instead of one. As she shoves her bag of pens and pencils into her backpack, the landline rings. Her mother is quicker than she is and gets to the phone first. Rory wonders if it's Jess, asking where she is.

That thought dies when she peeks her head out of her bedroom doorway and her mom, with the speaker covered by her hand, whispers, "It's Dean."

"Tell him I can't talk right now. Please."

Lorelai nods and shoos Rory away. Rory disappears back into her room and resumes packing her bag. While doing so, she discreetly listens in on the phone call.

"She's busy tonight. Is there something I can do for you or a message I can pass on?...Not until late, probably. She's studying for the SATs...Rory can call you tomorrow, if that works...No. Like I said, she most likely won't be getting in until later this evening and she has school tomorrow."

"Mom," Rory starts as she exits her room. It comes out as a whine, all high-pitched. She clears her throat. "Mom, I can talk to him for a few minutes."

Lorelai deliberately ignores her and proceeds to speak with Dean on Rory's behalf. Rory begins to panic slightly, knowing that her mother is growing impatient and that Dean is just as unhappy on the other end, if Rory had to guess.

"Well, I think her education comes first. Don't you?"

"Mom!" Rory chides loudly, making grabby hands for the phone. Lorelai easily fights her off, simultaneously finishing her unpleasant conversation with Dean. Rory stares hopelessly at the landline, desperation kicking in. "What did you just do?" she shrieks.

"What - Honey, I did you a favor! Whenever Dean comes calling, you go running, and I don't think that's very healthy for your relationship."

Rory suddenly becomes weak in the knees. Her mother just started an argument between her and Dean, and she doesn't even realize it. "You don't know... anything!"

"Rory!"

"I have to go. I'm late."

Before Lorelai can stop her and sit her down for a chat, Rory rushes to grab her bag off her bed, and hurries out the front door. Lorelai is left in the dust, feeling extremely lost.

* * *

"Are you sure everything's okay with you?" Jess questions when Rory's gaze flits toward the entrance of the diner for what seems to be the tenth time. "If you have something else to do or somewhere to be, we can -"

"No," Rory swiftly replies. She returns her attention to the SAT practice test resting on the table between her and Jess. She fiddles with her pencil, anxiously tapping the head of the eraser against the paper. "No, I'm... I'm fine. Everything is fine."

Jess quietly studies her, noting the nervous tics she's presenting. The tapping of her pencil, the way her shoulders are drawn up tight near her neck, how she continuously looks at the door as if someone's going to storm in here any moment. They're all a dead giveaway that everything isn't fine, despite her claims. Jess exhales and plucks the writing utensil out of Rory's grip.

"Hey!" she protests.

"What's going on with you?"

"I'm not sure I know what you're referring to," she mumbles, temporarily forgetting about retrieving her precious pencil.

"No? You've been on edge the whole time we've been working."

"I'm just... really nervous about taking the SATs."

Jess can only offer a blank stare. "Rory, we're friends."

"I know."

"Friends tell each other things. They open up to each other."

Rory's brows furrow and her chest tightens in anger. All of her pent up fear and anxiety mixing to make a horrible concoction.

"They open up to each other?"

"That's what I said," Jess answers slowly.

"Why don't you talk to me about your time in New York, then? You've been back for nearly a year and you've made no moves to tell me anything about the years we spent apart."

"Now, wait a second -"

"I have been waiting!" Rory retorts. "I've been waiting since long before the day you returned to Stars Hollow. I actually think I've been quite patient."

"You think?" Jess says through gritted teeth, following Rory's movements as she abruptly stands.

"I _know._ "

"You don't know as much as you think you do."

"Because you won't let me in!" Rory shouts, pushing at Jess' shoulders. The volume of her voice shocks even her, freezing her in time for an instant. She stares at her best friend with wide eyes, her hands balled into fists in front of her. "I - I'm so sorry. I think... I think I should go."

"Rory, no. Don't go."

She doesn't listen. She simply jams all of her things back into her bag and pulls the strap over her upper arm. Jess watches, never saying a word. How did this become about them? The years he spent in New York? The words she said... Is that how Rory really feels? The last five minutes seem like a blur. An ugly, hurtful blur.

* * *

Jess doesn't mind Tuesdays. Sure, he has school and work afterward, but the day usually goes by quickly. Today, though, he hates Tuesdays. He and Rory never once uttered a word to each other. They passed by each other in class, in the halls, and never bothered with a second glance. He doesn't know what to do or say and he's not sure Rory does, either.

Thankfully, the school day is over. He might have to see Rory later if she and her mom visit Luke's for dinner, but he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. As though he were a zombie, Jess walks slowly and without a real purpose until he reaches the courtyard, where a circle has formed. He planned to just walk around his peers, that is until he hears Rory's voice. She sounds distressed and... scared?

Jess pushes his way through the crowd, reaching the front a couple seconds later. At the front with him is Paris, who's keeping a watchful eye on her friend. Jess surveys the situation and finds Dean as close to Rory's face as he can get without kissing her, wearing a pissed off expression. Rory is shrinking away from him, trying to free herself from his grip on her forearm. If it weren't for the angry look Dean wears, they'd appear to be like any other couple.

"Don't," Paris murmurs, holding onto Jess' wrist. He hadn't even realized that he took a step forward. "Remember the last time you tried to play hero?"

Jess faintly rolls his eyes as he recalls the night of the bonfire. Technically, he wasn't trying to _play_ anything. Dean just kept throwing remark after remark at him and Jess can only take so much before he loses it. He gets his temper from his father, or so his mother has told him.

Jess shakes free of her. "Somebody's got to do something."

He leaves the comfort of the crowd and enters the lion's den. Dean sees him approach over Rory's shoulder and immediately sneers, releasing Rory.

"Impeccable timing," Dean fires first.

"Are you okay?" Jess directs the question at Rory, who looks up at him with these sad, blue eyes. He'll take that as a no. He doesn't miss how she rubs at her arms. He clenches his jaw and adjusts his initial question. "What's going on?"

Rory looks at Dean first and then Jess, and then the pavement. She feels so small as she answers, "N-nothing. Everything's fine, Jess."

"Yeah, that's what you said last night and look how well that went."

"Last night?" Dean demands in a hard tone. "Jess is the reason you couldn't come to the phone? Why you couldn't hang out? You had your mom come up with some lame excuse -"

"No!" Rory says in exasperation, her complexion paling by the millisecond. "No. I mean, we were together, but it was only to study for the SATs. My mom didn't lie for me."

Dean scoffs. "That's just perfect, Rory."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since he got to town, it's been Jess this, Jess that. Jess, Jess, Jess. _I'm_ your boyfriend. You do know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I know -"

"Then, why don't you act like it?" Dean presses, reaching forward to grab her by the shoulders. He shakes her as though he's trying to knock some sense into her.

Jess shoves him, knocking him back a few inches. Dean smirks, like this is the moment he's been waiting for. Behind him, Jess can hear Rory's protests, but they sound distant.

"You know what?" Dean continues to push. He holds his arms out wide. "You can have her, man. I'm done."

Jess nods, acting like he's agreeing with him. The side of his mouth lifts into a half-smile. He pulls his arm back before Dean can blink and punches him square in the face. Dean's head falls back at the force, blood already gushing from his nose.

"Mr. Mariano!" Jess spins on his heel, spotting a teacher front and center. _Talk about impeccable timing._ Where were they ten minutes ago, when Dean had a vice grip on Rory? "To the principal's office, right this instant."

Jess spares a side glance at Rory, who seems slightly amused and a lot surprised. She should have known that regardless of whether or not they fought yesterday, he would come to her defense. He always did, even when they were younger. Jess gives her a knowing look prior to leaving with the teacher.

* * *

When Rory gets home, she feels almost inspired by what Jess did for her. Not that she can't fight her own battles, but today made her realize that she's tired of fighting. After months of keeping secrets from her mom, she comes clean about Dean and how he's hurt her in the past.

If Rory thought Lorelai wouldn't take action, she doesn't know her mother. Predictably, when Rory finished talking, Lorelai spewed bad wishes on Dean and ushered them into the car. Lorelai drove to the Forester household, where she insisted on speaking to the Mr. and Mrs. about their children's situation.

Together, Rory and Lorelai enter the Forester's home. For the entire time they're there, Lorelai doesn't let go of her daughter's hand, and for the first time in a long while, Rory doesn't feel so nervous in Dean's presence.

**"But so many storms have come and left her more broken than before."**


	17. endings, beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory and Dean officially break up. Rory pays a visit to Jess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is admittedly on the short side, but on the bright side, the upcoming chapters are in the works. I'm trying to get them all typed up so I can give you all a solid updating schedule. Thanks again for being so understanding and patient. I hope you enjoy this one.

**"Don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not."**

"Hi, Jess. No... Hey, Jess. What's shaking?" Rory frowns, shaking her head while she paces the length of the floorboard in front of Luke's apartment door. She taps her palm against her forehead in frustration. " _What's shaking?_ How much of a complete idiot could one person be?"

To Rory's horror, the door abruptly swings open to reveal Toni with Jess standing a few inches behind her. Feeling a lot like a deer caught in the headlights, Rory stumbles over her words, filing through her thoughts for a coherent sentence to offer the couple. Luckily for her, Toni bails her out. Rory steps to the side as Toni crosses the threshold with a kind smile.

"Rory, hi. I was just dropping off homework for Jess."

"Oh. Um, that - that was nice of you."

"It was no big deal." Toni shrugs and glimpses in Jess' direction. "See you when I see you. Call me if you need anything."

The subtle double meaning to Toni's words hang in the air between the three of them. Rory rocks back on her heels, slightly embarrassed, as though she's impeding on a romantic moment. Jess nods plainly, accepting the chaste kiss to the cheek that Toni gives him. Afterward, she exits and descends the stairs, leaving Jess and Rory to stare helplessly at each other.

"Hi," Rory greets on a shallow exhale.

"I didn't realize we were on speaking terms," Jess says after a long beat.

Rory's guilt resurfaces with a vengeance as she shuffles toward the doorway. She doesn't step past the entryway and Jess doesn't invite her in.

"About that... I want to apologize for how I acted the other night."

"Did you mean what you said?" Rory pauses, unsure. It's possible that one teeny, tiny part of her might have meant it, but for the most part, she didn't intend to call Jess out the way she did. Jess takes her lack of answer as answer enough. "Then you shouldn't apologize."

"I was projecting," Rory blurts.

"Projecting," Jess echoes flatly.

She nods, glancing down at her shoes. "I was scared and nervous, and... and I took it out on you, but I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"Scared about what?"

"Could I... Could I come in?" Rory gestures to the interior of the place.

Wordlessly, Jess opens the door wider and takes a step back, allowing enough room for Rory. She shoots him a soft smile and moves to enter the apartment, but instead of marching past him, she walks right into his arms. Stunned at the unanticipated affection, Jess' arms hang mid-air, hovering over Rory's lower back.

"I know you're not very fond of me right now, but I really need this."

The desperation that can be heard in her words alone thaws the ice surrounding the Rory-sized hole in Jess' chest. He hugs her back, the ends of her hair brushing his forearms with the movement. He lets her take what she needs, then they start toward the sofa, where Rory tells Jess the truth about the dark side to her relationship with Dean.

She begins with the red flags and warning signs, elaborating on how Dean's alarming behavior escalated around the time Jess showed up, and ends with the news of how they're broken up now. By the time Rory is finished talking, Jess is practically vibrating with rage.

Rory places a hesitant hand over his. "It's okay. I... I'm okay."

Jess turns his attention to her, taking in her features and body language. Everything he sees signals that Rory is telling the absolute truth, that after everything she endured, Dean didn't break her spirit. Unclenching his jaw, Jess nods and leans back.

"I should kill him for what he did to you," he mutters, breaking the heavy silence.

"Now, now. Let's not be hasty. You _are_ still serving your suspension for fighting on school grounds."

Unable to help himself, Jess cracks a small, cheeky grin. "Only for six more days, not including weekends."

Rory scoffs amusedly and flops back against the couch cushions. Jess throws an arm over the back of the furniture, brushing the pads of his fingers up and down the somewhat worn fabric.

"While we're on the subject of apologies... I know I haven't been all that fair to you. You know, you keep giving and I just - I just keep taking without offering anything in return." Rory turns her head to the side to show Jess she's listening. "Honestly, New York isn't the highlight of my life. It's, uh, it's hard to talk about. It's hard to even think about most days."

"The city that never sleeps wasn't the highlight of your life? I find that hard to believe."

The sides of Jess' mouth turn downward. The action is so minuscule that Rory nearly misses it. He continues to speak as if Rory never said anything. "There are two other people that know of my time there - Toni and Luke."

"How much do they know?" Rory inquires. A bubble of jealousy forms within her, on the verge of boiling over. She shouldn't be jealous of the prospect that somebody else might know Jess better than she does, but she inexplicably is.

"Toni knows just about everything, but I'm on a need to know basis with Luke. He knows some things, not everything."

A low, "Oh," is all Rory can seem to manage.

Jess angles himself toward her, his fingertips brushing the top of her left shoulder through the material of her shirt. His expression grows serious, more serious than the day he told Rory that he and his mom were moving to New York.

"I'll tell you... anything you want to know, Rory. Eventually. I need time and I know it's a big ask because you've been so patient with me already -"

"It's not a big ask," Rory gently interrupts. She drops her gaze to her clasped hands, finding his stare too intense all of a sudden. "I want you to feel like you can open up to me. That much from our, um, disagreement is true, but I want you to do it on your own terms."

Jess' features soften as they come to a mutual understanding. He faintly smiles, showing off his lopsided grin that Rory thinks is oddly endearing. In an effort to change the subject, Jess reaches for the remote and turns the television on.

"You want to stay?"

"I thought you were grounded for being suspended from school."

"I am, but Luke likes you, so I'm sure he'd make an exception." Jess trails off, leaving room for Rory to respond if she'd like to. Absentmindedly, he scratches at the nape of his neck and in an un-Jess-like moment, he adds, "Plus, I - I sort of want you to stay."

"Sort of?" Rory mocks.

Jess rolls his eyes and flips through the channels, his typical self making a reappearance. "Whatever. You know where the door is if you want to go."

Rory laughs and yanks the remote out of his grip to channel surf. She tucks her legs up so that the tops of her knees brush her chest, reclining back against the arm of the sofa. Jess doesn't fight her for control of the television. He merely mirrors her and slides down the couch cushions, crossing his arms, a ghost of a smile on his face.

* * *

It doesn't even register with Jess that he and Rory fell asleep while watching a movie until he blinks his eyes open and the screen is playing some game show. Jess groggily runs a hand down his jaw, slowly waking up. He almost stands up, but the weight of Rory's legs draped over his lap stops him in addition to the sound of someone knocking on the door. Lorelai pushes the apartment door open the rest of the way until the hinges start to squeak in protest.

"Er, hi," Jess says quietly.

"I don't want to disturb you two. It's just that Rory said she was going to drop by Luke's and then come back home, but that was almost three hours ago," Lorelai explains, talking quickly. She peeks over Jess' form. "Is she asleep?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to wake her?"

Jess reaches across the length of Rory's still figure to gently shake her awake, but Lorelai halts his movements by saying, "No, don't. She... She's had a rough couple of days. She could use the rest."

"No argument here."

Lorelai takes a seat in the recliner nearby, removing her handbag and placing it atop her legs. She sighs softly, glancing at her daughter, who is sleeping peacefully. "I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye since you returned to Stars Hollow, but I have to ask - and try not to take this the wrong way."

"Okay..." Jess replies, though it comes out as more of a question.

"Did you... Did you know about Dean? How he was treating Rory?"

Jess pushes his hands deeper into the cushions, keeping them out of sight while curling them into fists. He's trying not to take Lorelai's question the _wrong way,_ yet he can't help but feel more than a little offended.

"No," he answers gruffly. "I didn't know. If I did, I would have said something."

Lorelai releases a heavy breath. She briefly pinches the skin of her temple between her index finger and thumb, laughing lightly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. I just - I should know better."

"What do you mean?"

"You were always there for her, to watch over her when I couldn't. Even when you were little. I should've known that you would have said something, if you knew, that is."

Ignoring the guilt he feels for not knowing, for not seeing the signs, Jess combs through his memories with Rory. "You used to say we were like magnets," he murmurs. "You said that when she moved, I went with her and vice versa."

Lorelai lifts one shoulder, matching his fond smile. "You still are. You're both older now and things have changed, but it's good to see that not everything has changed."

Jess manages to hide his widening grin, swiveling on the spot when Rory groans tiredly, stretching her arms. She wipes at her eyelids, noticing that her mother is in the room with her and Jess.

"What are you two talking about?" Rory asks, her voice thick with sleep.

Lorelai smiles knowingly as she stands. She pushes the strap of her bag back over her shoulder and chirps, "Nothing you need to worry that pretty little head of yours about."

Rory hums sleepily in response, sitting up. Her mom grabs her by the hands and helps her into a standing position. Rory leans against her mother for support, still half-asleep.

"Say bye to Jess."

Rory waves in his direction and does as she was instructed. "Bye, Jess. Thanks for letting me stay."

Jess waves back even though she's already moving away from him. He chuckles gingerly to himself, watching the Gilmore girls leave Luke's apartment. Rory is able to hear the sound of his laughter before the door shuts and she smiles, resting her head in the crook of her mother's neck.

"You seem better than when I saw you last," Lorelai comments, helping Rory down the rather narrow staircase.

"I am better," Rory replies, sighing. With her time recently spent at the Danes-Mariano apartment in mind, she quietly tacks on, "Now. I'm better now."

**"He's good and he's bad, and he's all that I've got."**


End file.
